I really wanted to have a baby young. I waited and waited and then gave up. I thought about William a lot and even other guys. I desperately wanted a child and would have had the baby out of wedlock even if that would have been deeply against my parents wishes.

as I got older I considered having a one night stand around my conceptual time during my period but someone got on to this as I had talked about it to a few people. then they started asking me all time when my period was and setting up a guy for me.

I was so scared they would set me up with the wrong type of guy deliberately ... and I am so glad I did not get pregnant when I was date raped.

it was purely a means to an end concept in the end to me, that I could just have a one night stand just with the sole purpose to have a child, with or without the father present in our world.

I still have not done it yet and since being raped I have not been with a man in over 10 years.

all I really care about is having a baby, or having a surrogate mother to have my child. I would donate my eggs for someone else to have a baby. I just wanted one of my own and I wanted to be married and have a normal life ideally.

but is anything in this world ideal??

I just wanted a nice young guy to treat me right.