Why do I continually stuff my life up????????
Why do I do retarded things and not realise it til it's too late!
I am more sure then ever I am destined to have a shitty life and drag others into with out them deserving to be :(
Why did I always worry and get scared that when I found a partner I would get hurt or they would find someone better, but then I'm stupid enough to hurt them by acting on feelings emotions and things that seem tempting as a thought but put into action are probably not so great and don't even k ow if I could do them!
So now the best guy in my life doesn't trust me!
Again I'm a failure! I hurt him when I didn't intend to!
God I hate myself!
Why have I been through so much shit in my life with my health and my family! Why do we all continue to battle through it all
Why do I never find something I'm really good at!
Why can't I be normal!
Why do other people cruise through life without the heartbreak and grief my family has had!
Why am I still here???????? What am I here for????????
Why do I get the feeling even if I live to be elderly none of this will be answered!
Really am ready to give up on life more then ever!
Then I won't cost the world thousands of $$ in medication and treatments and appointments, I won't feel like a failure cos I can't work full time!
Why is everything seems to be better if I was gone except for how it would impact my son and maybe my hubby, but who knows I think Iv been to stupid and hurt hubby to much for him to grieve me if I ever did go!