When I was still in high school, I had a crush of 4 years. Throughout those 4 years, we never really connected. I wanted to date him for so long, and yet it seems that life just wasn't working in my favor. He graduated a year before I did, and all seemed lost. Not only that, but he went and joined the army. During my junior and senior year, I decided to try the dating thing. I had my up's and down's, and I thought I had found the perfect boy.

Though somewhere deep down, I longed to be around LD (we'll call him that for now). I gave my all to my boyfriend, that much is true. I love him a lot. But one day he decided to take a break from the relationship. I was heart broken, and a mess. I turned to LD, and it was like my crush for him just resurfaced.

Later however, my boyfriend came back two weeks later. I was shocked and rather confused about what to do. Because in the two weeks that we were apart, I had made a friends with benefits promise to LD. I went back to my boyfriend in the end, and I have yet to explain my situation to LD.

He comes back in about 4 months, and my boyfriend is going elsewhere for college. I want to stay faithful, I truly and honestly do. But deep down I have these feelings for LD. He's confessed to me over text, telling me that he regrets not asking me out in high school, because he liked me as well.

I don't intend to cheat on my boyfriend, because even when he does wrong, I still think the sun shines out his ass. He's that special to me. I just can't help but want to have sex with LD. It's lust and I'm obviously crazy in the head. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings.

I'm confused and freaked out at my own thoughts. I don't know what ever made me want to grow up. This is not what I signed up for!