I struggle regularly with feelings of sexual insecurity and failure. I fear not being good enough in bed. I have a performance anxiety about sex and sometimes it really breaks me down and stops the flow of enjoyment of sex. I am reluctant to initiate sexual things or even flirting and it takes me a lot to do that. almost having to be someone else to let myself go that far. if I don't think about and just do it auto-pilot and without thought or feeling its ok. but I sometimes struggle and feel sexually hopeless, and not even men telling me I am sexy or pretty helps if I feel bad and ugly.


sometimes my depression breaks me down. I want to have good sex but struggle with thoughts of molestation and rape and feel like I am not good enough for a young guy I like. its not that I feel I have to be a virgin with every man I fall in love with. its just that I feel dirty because of the rape and child abuse since the age of 4 or 5.
I feel so dirty with std that sex is a bother and hassle and it should not be.

I want be pretty and thin and sexy. I want to have great sex with the right guy but something seems to always break me down and I get assaulted and the wrong men force themselves at me. why does this keep happening to me??

I am just wondering if there are any young men out there that would understand this feeling??