It was a late August night, a few weeks before I started high school. I was thirteen years old. That late August night I slept over my buddy's house, in his bedroom, next to him in bed. We had been close friends since we were ten. Before we retired, he disrobed to put on his pajamas. I saw him before me buck naked. I had never thought about him sexually before. I had never thought about any boy sexually before. I never thought I was gay. I had no reason to. I didn't have gay thoughts or gay feelings — that I was aware of.

Seeing him naked before me I felt an overwhelming wave of sexual arousal. I never felt a buzz like that before. I experienced an urgent and powerful erection, which I hid from him. He was straight. That I knew.

He turned out the light and we lay next to each other in bed. My erection wouldn't subside. I waited a while, hoping my friend would fall asleep. Then, when I thought it was safe, I touched myself. I was so aroused that it took little effort to come. A few strokes and I was there.

I felt terrific shame about my feelings and what I had done. I never told my friend about it. I put the incident out of my mind, or tried to at least. Oddly, I went back to seeing him as my buddy, not as anyone I was interested in sexually. I never fantasized about him after that. He just wasn't a sexual object to me. Strange.

I never told anybody about this. But now I feel I need to confess it to the world. Please don't condemn me. OK??