I am doing a DPhil in English and I want to kill myself, or maybe just disappear, change my name and spend the rest of my life as a waitress at a truck stop in a flyover state. I'm in this condition because I've realized that I will never, ever be able to find an academic position. Academic jobs particularly in the humanities are all but impossible to find, but its the only thing I've ever wanted to do. So, I want to kill myself.