I am a Christian pastors son and got addicted to the porn seen in the sixth grade and constantly got around my family to get access to porn and keep this addiction all though middle school and high school. Since I have to hide my addiction from my family I keep to myself at church a lot. While I was off being alone I noticed a woman who also had the tendency to like being left alone. After some time I acquired her number and we texted each other because she didn't love the man she recently married. She felt trapped and forced to be married because she had a child with him but to her I was her escape. We texted so much, under the table of course, that we fell for each other under the most unusual circumstances. Soon enough things got real serious and real physical. We did what we could in the little time we saw each other around church and more at her place. For a few years things went on like this and she was getting ready to settle down with me and say fuck it to everyone and just ride away with me and her baby. But by this time the guilt of my addiction, the lies and betrayals against my family and church, and the fear of God got to me so since our relationship was the only thing I could let go without serious consequences I broke up with her and so she moved to a different city with her baby. Its been a while since I broke it off but I know that I love her despite the circumstances. The problem now is that when I made up my mind to say fuck it yeah I'm with you like 3 months after it was over I go to contact her via facebook only to find that she found someone new and is having a new baby with this guy. So I'm confused her like was many years of being faithful and loving to her not mean shit if in technically a month she's already staying she's in a new relationship but she tells me we can still be friends and talk daily and crap like that. So I'm left here like if I confess to the church I'm screwed at home for being a sinner and if I hold this all in me ima have guilt and a broken heart like dam it wasn't worth it in the end. I know this was long but if anyone read this to the end I wanna at least thank you for hearing me out.