When I was 17 I asked out a 13 year old 8th grader on a date. She was hot and said she was 15 and with her body she looked older so I believed her. Things got out of control and I started to force myself on her. That progressed to raping her. We were at my place and nobody else was home. I basically ripped off her clothes and out of control, I just got on top, over powered her and fucked her. After I came inside her that's when I noticed she was crying and screaming and bleeding between her legs. Up to that point I felt nothing for her bust teenage lust. She was a hole to conquer and little else to me. But seeing her laying their curled up on the floor crying I fell apart.

The guilt was overwhelming and I felt such deep self loathing I apologized repeatedly and offered to call the police and confess and go take my medicine. That didn't move her at all. She just kept rocking back and forth in a fetal position balling her eyes out. Now I was crying and repeatedly apologized and my feeling of guilt was so deep I even offered to kill myself as punishment for the horrible thing I did. That finally got her attention.

"you would die for me??"

"I will if that would make you feel better about what I did to you."

"You don't have to do that. I wanted you to fuck me but not like that."

So we talked some more and I just could not get over the feeling of self loathing. She could not quite get over the feeling of being violated. After some extensive negotiations, I agreed to be her slave. She could do whatever she wanted to me and I would obey every command. No limits, no questions. She says, I do, period. I felt that was very fair though I was still harboring suicidal thoughts, I figured that since she was the victim, she ought to choose the punishment.

After composing herself she ordered me to stand naked with my legs spread. She then put on her shoes and proceeded to kick the shit out of my balls. It took a long time because every time I dropped to the floor grabbing my nuts and now it was my turn to be in a fetal position. The guilt was subsiding and I felt as though I was beginning to repay the karmic bank. She suggested next time she tie me up so she can get all the kicks in at once without having to wait for me to scoop myself off the floor after each kick.

After the ball kicking session she asked if I felt better. I said "yes a little" "me too" she said. "You still have a way to go to earn my forgiveness but you're making a good start."

So like an abused puppy I followed her home where she put me to work doing her chores. Her folks weren't home to catch me doing their daughter's chores. She made me do them naked and I was afraid of being caught naked by her folks but I was more concerned with making up for what I did to her. When her chores were done I helped her with her homework. Then, with about two hours left before her parents were due home she ordered me to massage her feet. I certainly didn't mind that or for that matter any of it. After her feet she wanted me to massage other parts of her and before I knew it I was making out with her. After betraying her and raping her she still wanted to make out with me. She was trying to mold me into the boy she thought I was before I raped her and out of guilt I was willing to go along. After a while she had me licking her all over and even in her butt, in fact she farted a couple of times with my tongue in there and I found myself getting aroused from that. Then after eating her to an orgasm she punched my balls a few times and sent me home.

The next day she called me up and gave me an itinerary. I was to take her out on the "perfect date" and she gave me a list of things to make it perfect. So I made the effort to alter the way I thought about how to take out a girl. I shaved off my facial hair and used the deodorant she requested. Since she told me what kind of flowers she liked I assumed that she wanted a bouquet so I got her a dozen roses and a dozen white carnations with babies breath. I got her some chocolates. I dressed in a suit and picked her up. I took her to a nice restaurant followed by a concert. I obeyed her order to embarrass myself by dancing ( something I have no talent at and therefore I looked like an idiot on the dance floor which was I think the idea). When we got back to her place she reached up to kiss me good night.

I was turning into her dream boyfriend almost against my will, that is I was allowing her to change my personality just to pay her back for what I did to her. I felt I owed her my soul and it was hers to do with as she saw fit and if that meant she would entertain herself with it, so be it. If that meant I had to change myself into her dream boyfriend making all her fantasies come true, so be it. I owed her that.

Along the way I fell in love with her. I also fell in love with pleasing her, obeying her, submitting to her. I let her dress me up like a girl, make-up and pigtails included. I obediently entertained her by making out with a boy in front of her for an hour while she frigged herself. I let her pee in my mouth and licked her clean. I let her rape me with a strap-on dildo she made me buy. When she learned about male chastity devices she made me buy one and give her the key. She ordered me to grow my hair long and I have not cut it since. She ordered me to pluck my beard and wax my body and I complied.

On her 18th birthday a few months ago she casually informed me what kind of engagement ring she wanted and how I ought to propose. A couple of weeks ago I presented it to her on one knee in front of all her friends and family and she said "yes." I actually thought after all that she might just say "no" as a way of publicly humiliating me for having raped her. I had prepared an apologetic speech in case she said "no" that went something along the line of agreeing that I was unworthy and apologized for asking and telling her she could keep the ring and sell it if she wanted to. I didn't have to use my speech. She threw her arms around me and kissed me and we pretty much forgot about all the people staring at us. Someone said "get a room" someone else said "get the hose." Finally we separated but she held onto my hand the rest of the day. Her dad took me aside and told me I better not ever hurt his baby daughter. I told him it was too late, I already hurt her horribly and I intended to spend the rest of my life making it up to her by being her devoted slave. He gave me a strange look but never brought up the subject again.

It has taken a long time. But my girlfriend told me a couple of weeks ago that I paid for my crimes against her a long time ago and she could not hope for a better boyfriend. I told her I would always love her and she would be the only girl I would ever want. I told her if she ever lost interest in my I would still never be with another girl. I told her I was her sole property for eternity to do with as she sees fit and if that means being her dream boyfriend I will do that. She asked if I truly loved her and I told her that I would take a bullet for her. I told her that dying, screaming in agony was an insignificant price for me to pay to make her happy and keep her safe and that I would volunteer to spend eternity in hell to keep her safe and happy. That might be a bit dramatic but I wanted her to know how sincerely I felt.

I still feel guilty for raping her when she was 13. I always will. But the punishments she regularly inflicts upon my body now turn me on. I don't think I could live without them and I think she has picked up on that. She regularly dresses me up like a girl and we go out as two girlfriends. She sometimes makes me have sex with guys knowing I'm not gay but I would suck a thousand cocks to put a smile on her face. She ties me up and kicks my balls once in a while but not too often anymore since now when she does it I end up cumming just from being kicked.

So she has given me a list of what will make her wedding a dream wedding. I am working with her parents to make that happen. The honeymoon will be two weeks in Hawaii. She wants to live in Florida so we are going to move there after the wedding. She has hinted that she would like me to be more feminine and possibly one day get a sex change. I would do that for her. She has hinted she might like to cheat on me and I have hinted back that her happiness and pleasure is all I care about. She frequently makes me suck cock in front of her and I think she wants to turn me into a sissy slave and I'm OK with that though since she wants to be married to me I think she really is in love with me. I also have this feeling in the back of my mind that some of what she has done has actually been for my benefit to fulfill my fantasies. While she often orders me to do things for her, she also asks me about my fantasies and every once in a while she orders me into those fantasies. I think we are way past the point where she feels I have made up for what I have done and now the pendulum has swung back the other way again and she is trying to make my fantasies come true. Perhaps we are the perfect couple since we are constantly trying to make each other's desires come true though the wedding stuff is all hers.