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Bi-Sexual Male / 18

Ok so I'm actually 15. My parents don't know that i was very close to trying gay sex with a dude who was actually willing to do it with me. I backed out when i was a foot away from his dick. We go to the same school and one time stayed after school to try it in the school bathroom. I was scared that i backed out. I want it to try it at the moment because i was so fucking horny. The thing that really stopped me from doing it was that my dad absolutely hates gay people. I was proud that i didn't do it with that asshole. He wanted to try anal with me and he wasn't using a condom. I was also thinking about having gay sex because all my life i have been bullied and called gay and made fun of. I think that my memories about my childhood encouraged my acts as a 15-year old. I am currently confused about my sexuality. I seriously wish i could know my sexuality. I am a nice person but people always looked at me as an object that you can make fun of. I have never had a girlfriend but i want one. I don't ever want to have gay sex or wish to try it again. I just wish i could find a girl to share this with and i wish she would help me. Everyone thinks im a weird person but i just have my ways of working with people at school and interacting with others. I wish someone would understand me. I am going to 10nth grade and i will probably see that asshole again. Nobody at school knows about this i just want to let it out here.(i found this website a couple of weeks ago). I went to summer school at another school and i met a beautiful girl there. I asked her for her kik and we have been friends since then. The problem is that i fall in LOVE with girls that i don't get to see again. Like u guessed it. I fell in LOVE with this girl. I haven't seen her for a month now because summer school is over. I really love her and i don't know what to do because i feel that i won't be prepared for a girl one day. The girl doesn't know about my experience with that asshole. I feel bad because i promised to be honest with her. I wish i knew what to do. I hope that who ever reads this confession shares their suggestion. I really want people to comment on my story. I need help. I think it would be really helpful if you guys share what you think on the comment section. Thanks for taking your time to read this story. I swear everything i write really happened. Thanx again for reading and i hope to be reading a lot of comments soon. :-)

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# 20985 - by Anonymous / August 8, 2014
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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 11, 2014 at 7:18 PM

Okay, first off, You should NOT have sex at this point. Do not think about sexual interactions just yet. I say this because there are lots of people who can take advantage of you, due to your age and being confused. I bet you are a nice person, but let me advise you this; Try learning about being bi-curious. Look up teen sexuality information, and learn about your sexual feelings. After such, try to build hobbies and interact with some people at some sites, like simple things: tumblr or interact with people you feel healthy and comfortable towards. With that, just slowly build confidence and realize you are valued and you are a good person, and deserve to be loved and have a healthy lifestyle. When trying to learn about yourself, and interacting with people on or off line, you may have a better chance of surviving high school's BS. Don't be mad at yourself for test scores. Don't be mad at yourself for not being "perfect." Just survive, and learn about yourself. It'll save you a lot in the long-run, I promise you that. Once 18 (At the very least, and I advice you not), you can set up an OkCupid account, and try to find some gay men around your area, or try to date girls. Just interact. Do not see them in person just yet. Until you feel comfortable, then it's okay. Try to share junk emails( extra emails that you don't use for important stuff) and have some fun. This can be for friendships, dating, sexual favors or whatever. Again, at 18, do it for that site. It'll be a lot more safer than Craigslist or whatever. PLEASE DO NOT GO ON CHATSITES AND GIVE INFO, OR USE CRAIGSLIST, TOO MANY STATISTICS OF SUICIDES AND HOMICIDES!!! Again, 18. I advise that when you do date a guy or girl, whether you are gay, bi, straight, asexual and just wanting fun, Bi-curious for girls or guys, pansexual, or whatever orientation you wish to have, or no label (You're fine no matter what), please tell your friends that you are dating, it's to secure your safety and status. They'll know where you are, and can help you if things go wrong. Invite your fiends too if you want so things can be safe. Like you, your friend, your love-interest can be there, and things can help out a bit. Please take the time to learn about you, and and the safety of your sexual and romantic needs. And you can look up some sites for free help. But, if you are alone, know you do matter.I know you may beat yourself up sometimes if you fail, and feel like people may not want you due to some odd reason, but know you are amazing and are a good person. Acknowledge what you HAVE done, and not what you didn't. There will be friends for you, just know they're coming, and may be amongst you right now, but you don't know. Your lover is there waiting for you, whether boy or girl. Just know that life is waiting for you to survive this shit-fest, and you'll see. Message back when you're done, reading this, and if it helps just say so. I could lend a hand for you to be safer on the internet, thanks to me having a fucked up scenes with the exact same situation you are in. Other than that, good luck.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 17, 2014 at 2:55 AM

Thank you so much. I felt better after reading your comment on my confession. You seem to understand me. Its cause all my life people have been assholes to me. It really makes me feel better that there is someone out there who took the time to read and comment on my story. I think i really do need help. I have always been confused about my sexuality. There are girls that i have loved before but i see them totally ignoring me or tell me we can be friends. I don't understand why i don't have any friends or why everyone ignores me at school. It just makes me want to cry sometimes. My parents don't listen to me because they start talking about themselves and their experience. No one understands me. I went to summer school to make up credit for the second half of the semester of a class. In summer school i met a beautiful girl and she was interested in me. I could tell because she was always smiling at me and she told me that i looked smart. I am VERY shy around cute girls but one day i found the courage to ask her for her kik. To my surprise she gave it to me. At this moment i was very excited. The sad thing is that summer school was only 3 fucking weeks. When it ended i was feeling very sad because i will no longer be able to see her. We have been texting for about 2 months and i feel very comfortable texting with her. I fell in LOVE with her and told her what i felt towards her. What i most love about her is that i can literally talk about anything with her. She says she is totally ok with it. I shared a couple of my fantasies with her. She said i was crazy but special to her. She says that she has a special place in her memory for me. I thank god i met her because back at my school the only time someone talks to me is to judge me or make me feel bad about myself. I only feel good when im texting with her. Sometimes i imagine her with me spontaneously. I don't feel so lonely when im texting with her. The problem is that her mom doesn't let her have a boyfriend. I love her so much and i would rather want something bad for me than for her. Hopefully you read my response. I don't know if you could leave me your kik username and we could text about this more privately. Again thanx for reading my story (and comment lol). Your words really made me feel a lot better. Plz leave a comment when you read my response.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 21, 2014 at 4:50 PM

you're very young and will likely fall in love with every girl that shows you some attention...every guy goes through it. as for your urges i'd say you're just feeling desperate for that connection and are seeking it out in anyone who will reciprocate. i'd suggest you wait awhile before considering messing around with a dude...until you're sure. and don't tell that girl about what you almost did. nobody needs to know, and you're not being dishonest by not mentioning it. No relationship would ever last a month if we all told each other EVERYTHING.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 30, 2014 at 11:24 PM

Who ever u are (person from comment 3) thank u so much. I am really seeking a connection with a girl. Not a guy i am not gay because i seriously don't find males attractive at all. I love that girl from summer school and i really care about her. I don't ever wish to try gay sex again. I would rather die than try it again. I would also rather die than be forced into gay sex. I have always dreamed of finding a beautiful girl that will be with me and actually tell me that she loves me. I am in LOVE with that girl from summer school and i wish i could have spent more time with her. Sometimes i don't even see the reason to keep living in this world.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Sep 28, 2014 at 7:31 PM

There is nothing wrong with you. I understand you completely. Just slow down have some fun and study hard in school. Forget about the jerkoffs after you graduate they'll walk away like little spineless brats. Take your time, no labels and live in the moment. You are so young. Take care.

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