I think maybe you will understand.

I don't doubt my inclinations, I have had them since I was old enough to understand. I have older sisters, and would look at them and I just couldn't wait until I got older and had my own breasts and had hair on my pussy. I hated being skinny, flat chested and bald down there. This was when I was seven, eight, nine. When I started to grow pubes I would look at myself constantly, at that time I did not pay much attention to my breasts, although they were starting to come out too. I was ten, and my sister had a large mirror over her dresser, and one day I went to her room and got on the bed and started to look at my pussy, lifting my leg, leaning back, and then miracles of miracles, I turned around and bent over and through my legs I could really see my pussy. The mirror became my best friend. I found other mirrors, and learned how to lay the long dressing mirror in my mother's room on the floor and squat over it to look at my pussy, the more mature my pussy got the more time I spent looking at it, and then inserting things in it.

It was a surprise to me one day when I realized I had real breasts. They were real, with real nipples, with cleavage, and I could squeeze them in my hands. From that time until I went to college I was a constant masturbator, and viewer, by then I had several mirrors and items for insertion. Other girls at school or that I saw walking around, I would sit and imagine their breasts or their pussies. One girl in particular, she was a real modest girl, I made her undress in front of me at a church camp, and I got a real look at her breasts and her pussy Maybe it was because she was so modest, that I could not get her out of my mind, I would dream of putting her down on the bed and just eating her out. She was my first girl crush. And I crushed hard, I tried to kiss her once after band but she pulled away. The most I ever got from her, was one day I told her I just had to touch her breasts and she let me fondle her in the stall in the gym bathroom. But just her breasts.

I went to an all girls college, for liberal arts. In college I got active, there were lots of other girls like me, girls who wanted to date, kiss and have sex with other girls. There were so many girl couples that no one cared, that is who you dated, and the biggest question that we would ask is who was on top. That made a difference I guess, figuring out who was on top. I thought I was a top, but found out differently when I started dating this girl and she was a real top and she put me on the bottom. The stars aligned and I had my first real romantic affair, I had found my mate. For a good long time we had sex, lots of sex, and I got over my fetish with myself and started to fixate on her instead of me.

Then I got out of college and things cooled off. I was discovered by a guy, a man really, as he was much older than me. He pursued me, and no matter that I did not respond, he got me alone one afternoon and I was overcome and mounted from behind, because I wouldn't let him put me down on my back. I remember thinking that this is how a dog gets mounted, and while he was fucking me, I realized that this was a serious thing, if he came in me I could get pregnant. All of a sudden I was terrified, I tried to uncouple, but he had me and it just made him stronger and I felt him grab me real hard and he came. I knew right then that I knew was going to be pregnant. He didn't have to do it again, although he did many times, before I confirmed I was pregnant, I am positive I got pregnant that day. That day I was his bottom, and he was my top. Game over.

I went on to marry him and he went on to make me his wife, bit by bit, day by day, fuck by fuck, by then he could put me on my back, I learned to let him kiss me, I learned to sleep beside him, I learned to be naked for him, I leaned to give him blow jobs, I learned to be a wife for him at work and at church and everywhere. Babies came, and one day I had a full house and I was in PTA and I was teaching my daughters how to keep house and cook and dress and be good girls. At that time my teen days were forgotten, until I found a mirror in my oldest daughters room, then I remembered. I left it there.

Then on facebook, I got contacted by my crush from high school, the girl that had let me fondle her breasts. She drove to my town, which was a six hour drive, and came and told me she was still in love with me and that is what she wanted to say. That after these twenty years, me a wife now with four kids, a husband to take care of, my whole being got thrown around in a tornado of emotions. I didn't just hug her, every ounce of my feelings came back, holding her I cried, we kissed over and over again, I could not let her go. We laid down on my bed, the bed I sleep with my husband, the bed that my husband uses to make me his wife, the very bed in which three of my children were conceived, and on this bed we lay and kissed and touched each other and fell in love again.

What do I do?? I will not leave my husband, I am his wife now. And I am found and lost at the same time.