Hi everyone i don't know where to really start but this is my story:

First of all i am actually 15yrs old. I have a problem that is very persistent and i can't take it anymore. This is my problem:

Every time i am in public with my family and there is a woman or girl that looks attractive to me i feel inferior or humiliated instantly. It is a bad feeling and its tearing me apart. I have started to make excuses to my family to stay at home alone. I usually sing love songs when i am home alone and i imagine being with a girl that i have seen before but never been with. I isolate myself at school and try to avoid talking with girls at school. I have been told before to kill myself. I don't know why everyone is an asshole to me. I am told to disappear and die.

Sometimes i think about running away from my family and walking nowhere or to somewhere were there will not be assholes and dicks. I am always being judged for my looks.

I have spent way too long alone and isolated. I think i just want to be alone because no one understands me and wants to listen to me. I try to be alone at school but people eventually come up to me and start talking shit about me. I do not talk shit about other people but everyone always chooses me to mess with.

I have thought about killing myself many times before and could do it if i wanted to. I start to think about all the beautiful girls ive met in my life and that is what keeps me from killing myself.

My parents don't know about this problem and i don't want to tell them because they'll think im crazy or stupid. I just want to be able to have the courage to talk with a girl and not feel like disappearing right then and there. It is a horrible feeling when i walk close to a cute girl. I feel like a shirt that a girl could use to clean her shoes with or something inferior like that.

I workout a good amount of times per week. The only problem is my insecurity and my feelings that i get when i am close to a girl at school or in public.

I just feel like going someplace else where i will feel accepted and happy. I think i am happy but all my feelings get mixed up that i don't understand myself sometimes. I don't know what to do.

I look at the bodies of many girls at school but i am too scared to actually talk with them. I don't know why this happens.

I wish i could find her again and things would be different.

I am told at school that i am a weird dude and i will never be loved and that no one will care for me. People at school are always trying to make me look stupid and useless.

I leave you guys with one of my favorite quotes from BEN STILLER'S:THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY

Life is about courage and going into the unknown- BEN STILLER

I hope you guys take the time to actually read my story and share your thoughts. May everyone find happiness one day.