I have been a sexual person all of my life as far back as I can remember. Although my friends and I played around some when I was young it was more of curiousity than anything. It was when I was 21 and spent a summer in Dallas going to school that I had my first bisexual experience. There was an older couple that lived upstairs from me [they were mid thirties] and we became good friends. One night after an evening of drinking and smoke the three of us ended up in bed. Of course all I wanted to do was play with the wife, but at some point I realized that someone was sucking my cock and it was the husband. I wasn't into that at all, but his wife begged me to let him continue and it did feel good so I did and had an explosive orgasm as he took it all. The next day I was ashamed that I had let that happen, but in the back of my mind I knew I had enjoyed it. I avoided the couple for the next few weeks, but then realized I wanted it to happen again.
This time not only did he do me again, but I wanted to try to too and went down on him. It was the first cock I ever sucked and I liked it....a lot. I didn't let him cum in my mouth that first time, but later I did and I liked that even more. For the rest of the summer I spent many nights with the couple and I also let him take me anally more than a few times. Strangely after I did him the same way I found that it was not a huge turn on for me. But this was before I knew I was a submissive.
For the next few years I met with other swinging couples, and while I was not always sexual with the husbands, most of the time I was. The thing was I really didn't see it then as being bi or gay, but more as a way to have sex with the women. I knew I wasn't straight anymore, but I wasn't putting a label on myself.
It was only after I met the woman that I would marry that stopped playing with couples and I was so in love that it was easy to do. For years after that, although I had numerous affairs with women, I didn't even think about being with a man again. Then slowly those desires began to come back, but I still didn't act on them. It was only when I got online [back in the days of AOL] and started going into bi chat rooms that I seriously started thinking of seeing a man again.
STill, I was very careful and cautious because I could not afford for anyone to know that I was bi [and that was what I thought of myself. I knew that I was not gay.] Finally the guy that I had been talking to decided to meet and we had a wonderful afternoon together. After we had sat and talked and he showed me around his house, when we got to his bedroom I was so full of need and desire that I went to my knees, took his cock out and sucked him off right there. Later in his bed, we pleasured each other with our mouths to mutual orgasms. The last thing was that he fucked me and it felt wonderful. I nearly came myself from that alone because it was both physically and mentally so arousing. I haven't mentioned yet that while he had told me that he was bi when we started talking, by the time we met he had confessed he was gay. Whether he was gay or not didn't matter to me then because I wanted to be with a man again so much. It was only after that day with him that it bothered me [or I felt guilty] that he had been gay and that our afternoon had been without a woman there so it really wasn't bi play. Anyway, that was my only time with him and he was the last man that I was ever with.
A few years later I began an affair with this incredibly beautiful and sexual woman who fulfilled my every desire. Not long after we started seeing one another I confessed that I was bisexual, but promised her that I would never cheat on her with either a woman or a man and I never have to this day. There is little sexually that we have not tried including bondage and bdsm play. It was with my lover that I discovered what a submissive I am and we both enjoying playing at that.
That was over ten years ago and things have always been great until a few years ago. It began when I quit romancing her like I always had and our sex life went to hell. At first I missed it a lot, but then I began to realize that is was easy to let it slide and just love each other with no sex. And then there was the fact that when we did I began to have trouble getting erections. That didn't alarm me at first.
During this time I had began to have those old feelings and desires again. While my lover knew I was bi, it was not something that she ever wanted to talked about and now I really needed her to. I also found that my porn viewing was changing and more and more I was looking at gay porn.
The whole point of this confession is that while I have not been with a man in years, I very much want to again. It might be just because I haven't been with a man, but I have felt my sexuality shifting and I have been wondering and asking myself the past year if I might in fact be gay and I have decided that I might be. Maybe not 100%, but close. At first it was so scary to think that I could be, but more and more it feels right to me. I just wish that I knew for sure.