I just want to say one thing.

I got married because I need to be supported. I am embarrassed to say that I cannot support myself. When my parents got fed up with me and finally pushed me out, I landed on the couch of a friend. She was nice enough, but after three months, I was still unable to support myself, I couldn't keep a job and the only paycheck I got I spent on clothes. I was thrown out and ended up back with my parents.

I have a college education, but I don't like to work. I want to be a stay at home mother. That is what I want. That is why I got married. I don't love him, and I don't like having sex with him at all. I actually suffer, it gives me the feeling of having to vomit when he gets on me, and I have vomited several times after he has sex. I never get naked for him, ever. I lock the door to shower and I go to bed in the dark and when he grabs me the most I do is take off my panties. No nakedness ever. I know I have to let him have sex with me if I want to have a child.

I can't imagine why a woman would let a man get on her. I know that I am the one that is not normal, but to save my life I can't imagine actually wanting a man to get on you and have sex with you. If it wasn't the only way to get pregnant it wouldn't happen, at least I would not let him.

I just want a child and I need to be supported. I don't know why it is taking me so long to get pregnant. My doctors says I am healthy and fertile as far as she can tell. That I should have sex more often, but I can't. He is 42 and he is from Lebanon and he insists on having sex even if he knows why I got married. I keep myself away from him as much as I can, I just want a child. Otherwise I wouldn't let him touch me.