I got married way too young, my mother washed her hands of me and sent me to my mother-in-law's. At that time I was married only in the bedroom, I had not gotten married in the real sense. My 'husband' was happy to have me in his house and he made me a real 'wife', all the time, any time. I got so much that my mother-in-law told us to settle down, that we had a lifetime ahead of us. But he still took advantage all the time.

In spite of being on birth control, I got pregnant, I know now because I didn't take it properly. Being pregnant didn't stop him. My mother-in-law told us not to have sex when I got to my last trimester, but he just went on wanting sex and that is when we first did the back door. I liked getting it, and when he did it back there, I didn't want him to stop. I became a crazy back door whore, up till the baby was born and afterwards until I could take it again up front.

Then it stopped, I just didn't want it back there any more.

I got married for 'real' but I was totally experienced at being a wife by then. My husband on the other hand went the other way for a while, he went through this phase of staying out with his friends and hanging with the wrong crowd. I got the message that he was 'doing' this other girl so I cut him off completely, which was totally the wrong thing to do because he did her and got her pregnant.

She was too young to take care of a baby so when it came I took her baby in, a little girl. I tried to take care of her, the mom, but she wouldn't let herself and I asked my husband to get her to give up the baby to us. I would never deny her rights to see her baby or be involved, I know how a baby changes you. What happened is that I ended up taking care of both of them, which is why I got into the messy relationship I am in.

I became overly motherly with her, the mom, I wanted to be her mother but she wouldn't let me and one day I just shook her and told her that whether she liked it or not she was now in my house and she was going to obey me and behave. I had put my arms around her and I had her in a bear hug on the bed and when she just stopped fighting and I did what I should never have done, I started kissing her and it went too far, I could feel that she liked it and I just kept going until I had done the nasty thing to her. I wanted her to the nasty thing to me, but she was scared.

I told her it was totally wrong what I had done and asked her to forgive me and she told me she didn't want to forgive me. We didn't stop, she learned what to do and she became a total slut with me and we did very nasty things together, nasty things that being older I should have stopped. The good thing is that her bad behavior stopped and she became focused on her little girl and she became a real mother to her daughter.

She lives with me know, we 'live' together. My husband has his own place, he doesn't lose an opportunity, if anything he has become a lot more intense and controlling, which gets the response he wants. I can't say no to him, no matter what else is going on, all he has to do is give his 'look' and I know what that means. I can get ready for him from a dead stop. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing because I drop whatever I am doing and follow him to the bedroom.

I have never sought counseling for this, but I know I have a boundary issue with my sex drive, I always have, and nothing seems to satisfy it. I say I am his 'wife', which I am in spite of us not living together. With Amanda, who is now finishing college, I am an over affectionate 'mother'. I have a never ending need to be affectionate with her. My mother-in-law gave up on me a long time ago, when Amanda moved in with me. She says she prays for me but she doesn't believe that my relationship with Amanda can be forgiven. She is old fashioned, or so she says, and she doesn't see why her son puts up with me. He comes around as often as he wants to be with his wife and when he is there his wife needs him too. I have never lost my need to be with him or be his wife.

I fully understand when some people say they are bi-sexual, I live it every day.