During college I experimented with another girl. I am dating heavily a guy, he asked me to marry him. Being married would be nice, and offer a lot of security. But sex wise, for me it has to be a girl. I just can't give myself to him, I can let him have sex with me, but I can't give myself to him, not like I give myself to a girl. Ugh, I hate this, I want to be married, but I don't want to give up on what I enjoy most.

A night out alone, at a wine bar, pushing guys away, until I lock eyes on that one girl, and convince her to go with me, and we go nuts in bed and I kiss her hard the next morning and send her on her way. That is what I like, and it has happened a couple of times, I just can't see myself giving that up for cooking dinner and washing clothes for a guy just to have a home and have kids. I want that, but can I give up my fun time?