I lost my job and haven't been able to get another one. I'm going to lose my apartment in 3 days.

The only option I have left is to move back in with my mother, but I know she won't let me live there unless I follow her rules, which are a big part of the reason I left in the first place.

Mom wanted a girl, and if dad hadn't died she would have just tried again, but he did and she never remarried. She didn't overtly try to raise me as a girl, but she kept me on a strict diet to keep me from getting too tall or generally becoming too masculine, she wouldn't let me cut my hair shorter than shoulder length, and she refused to buy me clothes that were too boyish. I went through a full round of electrolysis when I was 17 and I still can't grow hair anywhere but the top of my head and my eyebrows. She was ecstatic when she found out I had a boyfriend, cause it turned out I actually was attracted to guys.

If I go to live with her, it will be the same thing again, if not worse. She'll push me to lose weight, probably throw out all of my clothes and only give me women's clothing, make me grow my hair back out. If I go to live with her I'm not going to have a choice but to live as a woman.

But I don't have any other options. I don't have any friends I can stay with, I don't have a car, and as much as I'm not looking forward to it, I'd still prefer it to sleeping on the street.