My baby sister was pregnant and living with me. This boyfriend she had would come over and in my mind force himself on her, I could not imagine her participating in this. It was bad enough that she was pregnant and growing. She told me that sometimes she would suck his penis instead of letting him have intercourse with her. The idea of a man's penis in your mouth disgusted me.

After the baby was born, watching that baby sucking on her breast, and her handling of the baby was uncomfortable. I touched her baby, with my fingers, but never felt comfortable holding her.

I was 27, I had never found a desire for anything close to sexual, in early college I had convinced myself I was probably gay and had dated a couple of girls, but never felt anything. Men, I didn't date, a man touching me made me very uncomfortable, almost to the point of nausea. And my sister, her boyfriend would touch her in front of me, to make me get upset, and more than once he had sex with her in front of me.

I concluded I was asexual, I didn't have any desire for sex. I didn't masturbate, or have any feelings. The closest person to me was my baby sister. And her child, who got better once she stopped breast feeding.

At a party, at the house of this woman that I worked with at the university, was a divorced man in his fifties. They threw him on me, and I was polite but had not interest. But he had been told that I was looking for a man, and he forced himself on me and put his penis in my face and in my mouth. I spat it out, but all that did was get him to get on me and insert his penis in me. My thoughts while he was doing it, was the image of being stabbed over and over again in my nether regions. I cursed my luck for being female.

Over and over again he came to see me and insisted on having sex. If I didn't give him sex, he wouldn't go home. Then I got the rumor that he was maybe seeing this other woman, and I got mad. How could he see another woman. My sister told me that it was because I wasn't giving him what he wanted, he wanted me to be more than just a hole for him to ejaculate in. If I didn't want to lose him I had to be the all around woman for him.

I don't know why it is so hard for me to be that woman. I try, I give him sex, I also make him feel like this is where he should spend his time. I had my sister tell him that if he wanted to, he could get me pregnant. I just wasn't born like my sister, although I understand how she likes her boyfriend to have sex with her. I like it too, but I just can't get up and go get it. I know that I give him sex because the thought of him being with another woman makes me mad.

I masturbate now. After he has sex with me and he goes back to his house.