I had just broken up with my girlfriend of five years. She said she was moving on, she had outgrown me. I was hurt and when my sister asked me to go spend a couple of months with her in Malaya, I said why not. She had a toddler, and she needed company.

Malaya proved to be the wrong place for me, her husband got me pregnant, no doing of my own. My sister threatened to divorce him for what he had done, but I convinced her not to ruin her life, what was done was done. Motherhood wasn't my thing right then, and I asked my sister to help me raise my daughter. This meant that I spent a lot of time with her, and her husband took advantage of my visits. He did what he did, I didn't care, he wanted to do it, so he did it.

I met this woman while I was in Malaya, she was a correspondent for a London paper, on temporary assignment. She had me in bed on the second date and I fell for her very hard. She was nomadic, and had no intention of staying in Malaya. I had my daughter, and I was making my life with my sister and my brother in law. I was hurt again when she left, it took me a long time to understand that I was just a girl in the port for her.

I gave myself completely to my brother in law and got pregnant again.

We are back in the UK, and I live with my sister and her husband, and her kids and my two kids. My sister has given me every reason to be there with her, I have my two kids and I can tolerate my brother in law when he gets close to me. Better him, at least I have my kids with him, than having my heart broken. I really don't mind at all now when he comes looking for me.