I know I will never act on this, but that does not make me feel any less of a degenerate for my thoughts. My husband is deceased 3 years now and I've not been with a man since. I just have not wanted to be. I still have sexual needs, I have toys for that, but I cannot get over the feeling that I would be cheating on my husband if I started to go out. That is an entirely different issue though.

We have a pool and with the hot weather this summer, and me having a little more time, I have been spending more time around and in the pool. That is where my problems began. I am a fit, for my age, 41 year old woman and a lot of my time in the pool has been spent in exercise, swimming laps. My son, 17, invited a few of his friends over to swim last week, and they surprised me during my daily swim.

They jumped into the pool without me noticing them before hand, and all of a sudden I was surrounded by 10 Junior and Senior level High School Boys. That didn't bother me, my husband always said that I had a great body, and besides I was Kevin's mom, so none of them even gave it a thought. But when the boys started getting out of the pool to use the diving board, I took notice. Many of these boys are on the HS swim team, so lean and muscular! Their little speedo's didn't leave anything to my imagination. I swear I could tell if they were circumcised or not!

I have not looked at men sexually, except my husband, for years, but now I cannot get their young, tanned, rippling bodies out of my mind. I lay in bed at night fantasizing about one of more of them finding me in my room and taking advantage of me. Each of them have their way with me and get me to do all of the things my husband wanted when he was alive. I even imagine one of them sucking my breasts as he enters and uses me like my husband used to do.

I was shocked when I looked up and saw the boy's face, or should I say imagined the boy's face, it was my own son! His father was very good at making me glad I was his wife several times a week when we were in bed. He was very well endowed, and I still have a latex casting of his penis that he made as a gag birthday gift for me. I use it and never thought it a gag. I imagine Kevin feeling the same in me as his father. I miss that real feeling, and find myself almost daily ending up in my room using that gift.

When I am in my room doing things in secret, I don't have any remorse or thought of what I am doing, just the thought of those boys wanting me and doing to me what ever they want and me ever so willingly doing it. I always finish with my husband's cock in me, imagining it as Kevin. I have to bury my face in my pillow to muffle my moans and screams of delight when I reach climax after climax as I enguage in this degenerate and perverse act of self gratification.

I should not be doing this, but imagining it is my son and his friends make it even more exciting for me.

a degenerate, perverted mom in Oregon