So. Relationships-wise it's always girlfriends, but I've known from being a kid that I'm attracted by men. When I was 17 and at sixth form college I had a girlfriend and it was going ok. What I would get though is some pretty strong urges for some men. I don't mean, get horny, jerk off, forget about it. This would be three or four weeks of thinking about men. Usually older men, thirties, forties.
Thursdays i just had one half hour lesson and lately i'd taken to skipping it and going to the local pool. Well, that wasn't quite true. I'd actually started going to the pool two towns away. Why? To look at men. This was before the internet (you teenagers will never know how lucky you are), and i went to this pool as it had an open, shared male changing area. My local was all cubicles. I had this idea that i could check out some guys and then jerk off later. Wow, the effort we had to go to back then.
So, this day I go to the pool. I spend half an hour doing laps and then get out. There's a line of shower heads on the way to the changing area and I stopped under there before I got changed. Left my speedos on as like many teenagers i had a thing about my cock being too small (unfortunately I was right). While i was under the shower i looked to my right and there's a guy soaping himself up. He obviously hasn't got any cock hang ups as his is hanging out there proudly. He's about forty, gym body, dark hair on head, chest and stomach, then (as i make quick, furtive, darting glance checks) going down to quite a hairy groin area, water flattening it down and running off the end of his (lovely) cock. How I didn't get an instant hard on i will never know. As I keep checking him out secretly, he starts to soap up his cock and he seems to be lingering on it a bit too long. Is he getting a bit of a semi? I think he...oh shit he's caught me looking at him. eyes straight ahead now, finish shower in 0.5 seconds. Get out of there as fast as possible and back out on the street.
But here's the thing. As soon as i'm out of there i start to think. The more i think about it, the more I'm entertaining the idea that the lingering cock wash was for me to watch. Am i being stupid? Or was high-tailing it out of there the stupid thing that i'd done. The next few days it's my constant jerk off fantasy and it goes further in my mind than it had in the showers and that's for sure.
So, following Thursday where do I go. College? Don't think so. Local pool, maybe not. Same pool as last week, hell yes. And for some reason I'm careful that I get there at exactly the same time as the previous Thursday. Before I go, i'm certain i'm in for some fun. A week of jerking off has built these fantasies into the absolute certainty that this guy has been thinking about me all week and can't wait to try his luck again. As i get on the bus, I realise that this is what i've been doing to myself and I'm sort of laughing about my own naivety.
Back in the pool and guess what? He ain't there. What a fucking prick i am. I get into the laps and then as I stop for a breather I see him. I think i'm going to have a heart attack I'm so nervous as I stand at the edge trying to compose myself. After all, if he was here at this time last week, why wouldn't he be here again. doesn't mean anything. For christs sake don't stare at him again. He's probably married with two kids and likely to complain. After a bit I have a word with myself and decide to get out and go back to get changed. Still, i linger longer than necessary in the showers and after a couple of minutes, hang on who's this? There's six shower heads but he comes straight to the one next to me. Now that's not man etiquette. You should always pee or shower as far away as possible from the other guy in case he gets the wrong idea and assumes you are a dirty faggot. Everyone knows that, right?
He does his soaping up trick again and this time I am sure it's for me as he is definitely looking at me for longer each time. With a sudden surge of bravado I turn away from him so I'm facing the other way and roll my speedos off. I take some soap and start to do the same as him. Only, Mr. hang up that I am, I haven't got the nerve to turn and face him as i rub soap into my cock and balls. So, i reach behind and start to soap my lower back and buttocks. I'm thinking to myself that i probably look pretty good. I'm young, slim, quite sporty and...this is when i have a revelation...and I'm in a public shower area preening myself next to a guy i have probably got entirely the wrong idea about. Again I lose my bottle and i'm out of there double quick and into the changing area. Heart pumping fit to burst out of my chest and feeling sick to my stomach. Fortunately there's only two other guys in there so nobody to notice how flustered I am. So, the place being virtually empty and all, this is why it seems weird when the guy suddenly appears, puts his basket down on the bench right next to me, and starts to towel himself dry. At first he doesn't say anything, doesn't even seem to notice i'm there until he asks, right out of the blue 'Had a good swim today then?'
I know I answered him but i'd be lying if I said i can remember what it was. Same with the next couple of conversational gambits. I must have looked like the most stupid, awkward adolescent it was possible to meet. Gradually though, we get a fairly normal conversation going and then he asks me what I'm doing for the rest of the day, then before I can answer he asks if i fancy getting a coffee in the cafe upstairs and i (fucking adventurous), say ok.
now at the risk of repeating a whole load of shit about how scared I was, I have to say that i was finding it hard to concentrate on talking to him because my mind was racing with what ifs. Like for instance if somebody saw me having a coffee with this guy they wouldn't just completely fail to notice us, or assume he was my dad or uncle or something. No, they would just automatically brand me as, and publicly humiliate me as, a queer. What if he was a serial killer or a fag hater (take me home then beat the shit out of me - 'I saw you looking at my cock you fucking homo').
In the end we started talking about bands and he found a good pretext to invite me to his house to check out his collection (come back and look at my puppies little boy).
So after worrying about being seen getting into his car and again about being seen getting out and going into his house there we were, in his bedroom listening to music. He's lying on the bed talking and i'm staring intently at his collection facing the other way when i get ' Hey, come over here a minute', then 'that's it come on sit on the bed for a minute with me'
when I've looked back at the next bit I think he was really clever. Nobody had overtly said why we were here and no irrevocable line had yet been crossed. He could obviously see I was shitting myself and I think if he'd have got his cock out or said 'Suck my fucking dick' i might have lost it. Instead he just said quietly 'Take your t shirt off' and I did it. It wasn't sex, but once done there was obviously only one reason for him to ask and for me to have done it. Now some sort of line had been crossed, small but significant. He moved a little closer to me and then took me completely by surprise. All my jerk off fantasies about men had been sex. Jerking off, cock sucking, fucking etc. but what did he do? He just leaned in and started to kiss me. I had never even contemplated kissing a man, not once (again, no internet vids to watch). So while my brain tried to compute this, I didn't respond. Felt like for forever but was probably about a second, Then i joined in. I'm a good kisser, everybody comments on it and we were away..
After about thirty seconds i decided this was fucking awesome. Like kissing a girl but much hornier. Why? Because you're not allowed to kiss men. It's wrong. Taboo. More exciting. I had now assumed a role that has become second nature to me. He was very much in control. I was on my back on the bed. He was slowly tonguing away and I was lying back, returning it and and loving it. Feeling like I was a sure thing. A slut. Raging hard on (a man is kissing me and I love it. I had been right after all, i am very,very gay). All the fear had gone and now i wanted to show him i was up for it. In no time I was feeling his dick go hard in my mouth and I was borrowing something my girlfriend always did that i liked a lot, I was sucking him slowly and deliberately with my eyes open, looking straight into his while I did it. I think he liked it. He stood up to close the curtains and I did something I'd often thought about. Before he got back to the bed i was up and then on my knees in front of him sucking his cock. This is how i'd always pictured myself. On my knees, sucking dick. I had time now to think about the experience and live it a bit. I licked along the length of it and then his balls, again stolen technique. He moved back onto the bed and then took me in his mouth as well and we carried on for a while before he asked 'Do you want me to cum in your mouth?' Even the idea of a man asking me this was exciting and it gave me thrill and I said yes. 'I don;t want to cum in your mouth' he said and pulled his dick out, lightly slapping it in my face as he did. I liked it.
He was sat with his back against the headboard now and he pulled me in next to him. He started to kiss me again slowly and I was really into it. He pulled away a second and slid his finger into my mouth. 'Make it wet. you probably want to make it really wet' . Excitement again, cos it was obvious what this meant.
He was kissing me again with his tongue flicking into my mouth. I was waiting for it and then it was there, the first exploratory finger slipping into my untouched ass. Again, i think the internet generation may find it hard to believe but i hadn't watched endless videos of people dildo-ing themselves so hadn't tried this. By now I was absolutely his, so i wanted to be good and I was opening my legs for him to better get at my little hole. I must have been incredibly tight. i remember him asking me if i had to be anywhere soon and when i said i didn't he laughed and said something about it being a good job because this might take a while. He got two in there and i was thinking this might not be much fun when it got to the real thing. Then he flipped me over and surprised me again when he started to lick my ass and into the hole. Yeeeeeeessssss sir. Whoa! What the fuck, yeah. I like that. I was by now face buried in the bed, knees down, ass in the air, and after a while he shifted round so that he was on his knees behind me, manipulating my hips to get me into the right position to be fucked for the first time. Sometimes, if I'm just about to be fucked now, and I'm in this position I get a flashback to how i felt at that moment. It was an incredible mix. Somewhere way at the back there was a bit of a nagging 'don't do this, you'll be a queer' but to be honest, i've never really thought it was bad or wrong, even though I'm not in everybody's face to advertise it. I was mainly mixed up between totally ravingly horny for this man's (rock hard) cock. I was frantic for it to happen and for it to happen this instant. Now. Although it was obviously going to be in the next couple of minutes most of my being was just in purgatory, impatient to be being fucked. Give it to me, Stick it in now. Shove it in. At the same time I know i was scared about how much it was going to hurt. It was quite a big one after all (one of the sexiest parts for me had been while we were kissing and i'd looked down to see both cocks, fully hard and pressing against each other. His had dwarfed mine but instead of getting my usual small cock shame i'd just been really excited to see the two different sizes, stiff and rubbing against each other, hot!).
He had his cock at my back door now and he leaned over my back and brought his mouth up to my ear. 'Are you sure you really want this?' he asked softly. Crafty fucker though. Hadn't asked until he'd put some hot breath into my ear and licked it around a little. This had me so fucking horny i could just barely whisper 'yes'. Even if he hadn't heard me there could have been no mistake. I was pressing my ass back onto him trying in frantic desperation to push my hole onto his cock. I felt something cold as he rubbed some baby oil around and lubed it up good with his finger.
Now I am a safe sex person and always use a condom. This is the only exception i've ever had with somebody who wasn't a long term, fully certified GF, and although it was obviously really stupid, I'm really glad it worked out this way. He pushed the end of his cock to match up to my hole. If you've done it, you know. If not, why are you still reading and hard luck because i won't adequately describe it. He strained against the tightened, nervous, contracting ring of muscle and worried and teased it with the head of his dick. He pushed forcefully but wasn't willing to do any damage, so despite quite a time of nudging and withdrawing of whispered 'just relax now' and extra lubing it was just a world of pain whenever we got even close to the breakthrough point. I was starting to feel embarrassed and childish and was contemplating how we could recover the situation when the miracle happened. i just shifted my position slightly and as i did...WHAM! in it shot and I'm here to tell you that it hurt like fuck. I know I cried out in pain and then whimpered, my fingers white knuckle gripping for grim life on the corner of the mattress. Immediately his mouth was at my ear again, 'Whoa, keep still now. Nearly there, just keep still a minute or two and relax. it'll be ok in a minute or so'. Yeah right and i believed that. i was in real pain now and as though it was determined to do the worst possible thing my ring muscle had tightened up completely and it was agony. I wasn't going to argue though, as the idea of him pulling it out again seemed terrifying. ok just keep still then. just do what the man says. the moment had changed for me and i was no longer revelling in a wonderful experience. No, i was helpless. doubled over, with this strong, grown man's full weight pinning me down. he'd got me exactly where he wanted me. Nobody knew i was there and he could just do whatever he liked. Everything seemed to have got very real. All i could see was the sheets on the bed immediately in front of my eyes. Beads of sweat had sprung out on my forehead and there was just the weight of him and the pain of this thing, intruding into me. Really deep. He kept whispering though. and the tone was calming and he was right, after a while the pain was subsiding. In a few minutes he did something i hadn't believed could be possible. He started to rock a little. Only tiny movements inside but he was doing it and it wasn't hell. I had recovered a bit and i was thinking 'Right then. I can get through this'. Then slowly, over about ten minutes, with gentle whispering and encouragement, slow movements and a slight relaxation it actually started to slide a little - it still hurt though. I could put up with this 'til he came and then it would be over. But then it really started to slip in and out, still gently. and this changed it. Over the course of the next ten to fifteen movements we went from nudge to push to thrust, and the next thing I knew I was a Believer. I was getting why it is that men the world over don't just allow but crave penetration. This was great. I found that sometimes it just hit the spot and it was lovely. This was real sex. He was really into it now and he was telling me how sexy I was and telling me I loved cock. I felt beautifully slutty as I started to buck and press back against it searching for the right spot. Incredibly, he was really banging it in now and I was straining to push hard back into it. How could such an incredible transformation occur in just a few minutes. Give it to me harder. Then just as I started to rub my cock and realise how amazing it would be to come while he was fucking me it was his turn to shout out and it was 'Fuck. I'm cumming. Oh fuck I'm cumming.'
I know i've purple prosed this out a bit but it is essentially true to the best of my recollection, although it was my top jerk off fantasy for so long I'm sure my memory plays a few tricks between real and imagined. Not many though. I'm sure it's pretty close.
One of the things i love about this and some of the other sex i've had with men is the anonymity. I met him again a couple of weeks after. (no easier to start I'm afraid, although I did make sure I came during our first fuck) and then once more about six months later. Never got his name and he never got mine. No doubt though i was very lucky in landing him as a first partner. Nowadays the men I go for are always a bit older, a bit stronger, bigger and more assertive then me (proper little bottom slut) and i sometimes wonder whether i went after my type and was lucky or if it was this encounter that sealed my fate as a submissive lover of stronger men afterwards. One thing is for sure though. I can still be pretty tight round the back for a big cock and even if it hurts, my favourite part of sex is the moment when the pain gives way to pleasure and the pace of the thrusts increases. I guess i just love being fucked.