I go through periods of self destructive behavior. My first experience was by an older very strong masculine man. He overpowered me and embraced me until I was unable to move before penetrating me aggressively. I was fourteen and was strong-willed.

I like being trapped and penetrated without mercy. If I hurt or burn afterwards I can give myself another orgasm. I don't want to be R, I just want a man to have me. I go to and walk in bad neighborhoods, I go wet the minute I am grabbed. Going home with a stranger's sperm in me gives me a high. I don't wash for a day or two.

I go through weeks of normal behavior, and then one night I go out to get picked up.

A man asked me to marry him but I said no. He isn't the type of man who can make me feel good.