I think my long time male friend is gay. we've been friends for nine years now. met early in college. I've seen him have lots of girlfriends over the years. happen to have known most of them quite well- I think often they sought me out to be friends because I was his best female friend and I think they wanted to be on the inside of that sort of thing. and back in college I slept w/ him a couple times casually during some transitional period but I never felt any sparks. I don't know exactly why I think he's gay. but I really do. I think he wants to date women because of the image of it. I don't think he really falls in love with the women he is with, and it seems to drive them nuts. hmm..why else do I think he is gay....because he makes kind of homophobic comments. but he is otherwise pretty liberal. and he gets wierdly uptight sometimes...when something sort of dealing with his masulinity comes up w/ some interaction w/ somebody at a party for example. and he is a writer but there is some emotional connectivity that never works in his writing. and he is kind of verging on being an alcaholic. and he has got a best male friend- I honestly think they are in love with eachother and can NEVER admit it to eachother. I think if he realized he was gay and embracd it- he might not be always smoking dope and drinking and his writing might blossom. cause he will not be supressing this part of himself. he has a very main stream square conservative family. but also two uncles who are gay - and I don't know if they are still alive but both got sick w/ aids years ago. and it's like this unspoken secret in his family. so I feel like that might contribute to why he feels like it is totally not ok to be gay. I don't know- I could be totally wrong- and he could be just an emotionally repressed alcaholic straight guy. but I feel like he is really a great person and there is something in him that is this block. and over recent years it's become worse. any of you gay men- take a long time realising you were gay? I want to help my friend, I could be wrong, but if I'm right what do I do? I can talk about so many things with him. but if I asked him if he ever thought he might be gay. he would probably throw a wierd tantrum , down a bottle of wine and glare at me for a couple hours. which I could handle but I don't know if it would be helpful.

an advice?