I don't know if this is the place to write this, I just need to let it out, there are days when the stress is really high. I was an 18 year old freshman at Florida State. A weekend 30th anniversary party for our neighbors was going on. The son of the couple flew in. I ended up with him, giving up my innocence and getting pregnant. I contacted him when I was four months along. I had not told anyone and I didn't look pregnant. He was nice, he listened and he told me that he had a bit of a problem. His current girlfriend was also pregnant, she was three months along.

A couple of weeks later I called him again and I did my best to remain composed. I had envisioned that he was going to say he was going to marry me, but the girlfriend made that impossible. I was still pregnant and I told him that I needed help and I felt that he should help me. I was four and half months, half way, I had finished one year of college, I was living at home with my parents, I couldn't keep this to myself much longer. I didn't show, not unless you were paying close attention, I couldn't wear a two piece bathing suit and it was summer in Florida.

He said he didn't know what to do, but that he would send me a ticket and for me to come to Los Angeles, he was going to talk to his girlfriend and that we would figure it out, but that it was probably not going to be anything that made sense to anyone. I stayed with them. Neither one of us looked pregnant, but we were. I stayed a weekend, and then extended it for the week, and then another week. During that time she and I had lots of time to talk, she was with him because she had gotten involved and then she got pregnant, she wasn't particularly in love with him and neither was I.

She suggested that maybe I could move to L.A., she would continue to work and I could take care of the babies. We would need him to help a lot, and after a couple of years I could go back to school once the babies went to day care. The apartment that they were in was small, about 800 square feet, with two bedrooms and two baths. It was her apartment and convenient for her to go to work.

He went back to living in another apartment, she and I lived in hers. Once the babies were born, we made one room the nursery and she and I shared the other room. On one occasion when he was visiting he took advantage of the situation and he knocked me up again. The babies are thirteen months apart. Our lives floated, we moved to a bigger place, far away from where Hannah worked, the commute was terrible and I hated having her be gone all day like that. She got a job that paid less with a Dentist office, but she was close to home. Eventually he moved out to where we were.

Hannah got the burn and when her little one was two and half she got pregnant again. She had good insurance and the dentist she worked for gave her plenty of time off, paying her half wages while she was out. My grand parents helped us to buy a small house, between her job and child support for the four kids, and my parent's financial support we are able to have a home for our kids. Our baby daddy is always around, but we won't let him live with us.

College with four kids has not been possible. I take courses online, and with my college year and the credits I built up I am scheduled to get my associates. I would like to go to college full time, but we have four kids at home and I have a full time working partner.

To be honest we don't know what to do with our baby daddy. The rest of our life we can manage. There are days when I just need to be reminded that he is the baby daddy for a reason, and to show me. Hannah works outside the home and she has a lot more adult contact, she doesn't seem to get so far behind as I do, a quiet Sunday afternoon with him seems to be enough for several weeks, but I can't go several weeks. I have always had a higher need factor than she does. We really don't know what to do with our baby daddy. We know that if he moves in everything is going to chaos, but we want him next door, close enough to see him but not in our hair.

We are juggling our lives, there is no good solution. I don't want to sound like we are unable to manage, we can manage. Hannah and I are very close. Our kids are good kids and lots of fun, and work. When all the kids are in grade school I will try to finish my college degree.