As a teen I was definitely the ugly duckling. I just got tall when everyone else stayed short. I didn't really flower until I was older, but when I did I got pretty wide hips and C cup breasts by the time I was in the eleventh grade. My parents were not able to get me contacts or fix my teeth and we were pretty much Target and Ross customers. I was also in a car accident and had a scar on my forehead which I was a self conscious about and preferred to help the teachers than to hang out with the other kids.

I went to a local community college and when I got my associates a former teacher of mine pushed me to go on to a four year college. At the four year college which was a mid size state school I got my first taste of a man. I wasn't looking for any kind of a relationship. He was there doing work for one of the professors. He wasn't nice, he ordered me around, he came over when he wanted to, he came to get sex from me. Sometimes two and three times in one night. He took me to his apartment and asked me what I saw and yelled at me for not seeing the mess. He had sex with me on his bed and left me there to clean up for him.

I didn't have a backbone and I liked the sex too much to say anything. I was ready for sex anytime he wanted, the more time went on the more I wanted sex and one day he sat on me and started slapping my breasts. When I complained I got slapped in the face. When he got around to having sex with me he had me get in the doggy position and look into the mirror on the wall while he fucked me. He tried other things, tying me to his wrist so I couldn't do anything without him, putting me on a leash which I guess everyone does, seems that after I got on a leash I saw hundreds of leash collars on girls, even some very pretty girls wear leash collars.

He took me to this adult store near downtown to select some toys, dildos, vibrators and plugs, but also some butt lube and a ball mouth gag. We experimented with butt plugs and restraints and dildos and vibrators, just about anything without spending ridiculous money. Anal sex was good, we bought a bigger mirror so I could watch myself, I wore my leash collars, changing them out depending on my mood. I got by breasts slapped and my butt slapped but he wouldn't slap my face hard enough. I read a lot about being submissive and was willing to try about anything but he go cold feet and started to back off.

I have my toys from that time, I wear my leash collars once in a while, but I don't have anyone to put me on a leash. I get on my knees in front of my mirror and slap my breasts as hard as I can, I have a paddle, but I just can't slap myself hard enough. I keep butt lube and use my plugs but I could really use a man behind me right now. I use my dildos and vibrators, better that than nothing. I just can't find a guy who wants to play with me, at the first little hint they lose interest in me. I play the straight upright girl, talk about kids and home and stuff, but I just can't stay interested with what to me is plain sex, I haven't been yelled at for a long time. I told one date that I was made to get fucked, why not fuck me like he meant it.

I don't even know where to go find the right man for me, it is not for lack of trying. I'm willing.