Really Torn About It

So I'm mostly a lonely guy from Egypt, i started watching porn since i was very young and got involved watching in gay porn and then into boys that dress girly which I knew after that they're called sissies and tbh i liked that, that i started wearing my mother's clothes and taking pics and it even got to me sending it to guys and got into forced feminization and even normal feminization were girls turn boys into girls and that would just make me insanely horny that i started looking for a girl to do that but with no luck.
So i finished college mostly without friends but i had this girl who is a close friend of mine and we talk a lot and used to help each other on exams and once even about sex and how she knows some gay friends and that she finds it normal and even told her that i had a gay experience and she said that this won't affect our friendship so right now I'm torn if I should confess to her that i like to be feminized and see her reaction or even ask her to help me achieve that or should i avoid doing that so i don't ruin our friendship?