Can't Leave Him

My father became a non functioning alcoholic when I was 10. He was a dentist but his alcoholism resulted in his loosing his practice and his income. My mother got a job as a secretary for a metal fabricator. With my father at home, usually drunk he took his frustrations out on me, and that included sexually. When my mother found out he was tossed out and he killed himself. I was 15.

I really never felt anything about it, it is like a movie I know really well. I was always focused on school and guys were always immature even in college. It wasn't until I met a man at work that I developed feelings. He was attracted to me and we became lovers. I decided to change jobs after an incident at work when he had me adopt the position. It was a joke but I took it seriously, and he took the opportunity and I had sex in his office like some low class slut.

After I changed jobs he asked me to rent a small house with a garage. The affair turned serious, I wanted a more permanent relationship. Being told I was a fun girl but not wife material hurt, I asked for a ring. Marriage or I called off the relationship.

I was 27, I felt I was really mature. He said no to the marriage, and no to breaking away. I am 36 today, I am his long term lover and mistress. He found another woman, who is fully aware of our almost 15 year relationship. She is younger than me, he is 25 years older than her. I made a mistake in not ending my relationship when marriage wasn't going to happen. I am never going to voluntarily leave him, he isn't going to ask me to leave him either. I am resigned to his new play date, she will run her course.