I Need A Strong Healthy Man In My Life

I have been unfaithful to my husband. For me, brought up to be a good Christian, what I am admitting to is embarrassing and emotionally draining. I am 28, I have a six year old daughter. I married my childhood sweetheart. He was an avid outdoorsman, fisherman, hunter. Three years ago he fell out of a blind while deer hunting, breaking his neck and back. He was found the next day, alive but irreversibly hurt. He is a quadriplegic, and has many other health problems. And he has become verbally and emotionally abusive. He has a computer and porn is on all day everyday, I don't let my daughter near him unless I have taken his computer away.

Let me add, there can be no sex with him. I have been to useless therapy to 'enjoy' sex with a paralyzed man. There is no man, no erection, no strength, only anger, frustration and loneliness. I am in a sexual relationship with a strong, big man with a powerful erection who makes no bones about who the man is. It is refreshing emotionally, sexually, physically. It is also infidelity.

I cannot see a future for me or my daughter, I cannot work and take care of him, we are dependent on social assistance and family. I no longer love my husband, I don't feel sorry for him either. I cannot live up to my vow of 'in sickness', I have my daughter to think of, myself. My new man wants me in his house, I have to return my husband to his mother.

I am ashamed, I just can't fathom God wanting his accident to destroy three lives. Thank you for listening.