How I See Myself And Sex

lately I am so desperate for a fucking good sex time. I have been feeling horny and just wanting sex all the time. It was worse last year. I was non stop horny all through 2019. I have not had sex in over a decade and I fear men will reject me. I am feeling so much shame over it and how my life has panned out and I wanted a marriage by now. I am old horny desperate but pretending not to be. My daily life is just pretending to be happy to not look to desperate but no matter what I ever do I chase men away. Only losers take interest in me. Only weirdos and fools like me. That says a lot about what I must be deep down. I didn't see myself like that in the mirror. so do everyone else?