Worst Mistake Of My Life

As a young boy, I knew I was different. I never enjoyed the things most young boys enjoyed, like young girls. As long as I can remember, I was always attracted to other boys.

My parents grew up in the years just as progressivism in America was on the rise. They recognized my differences and encouraged them. Dressing up like a girl wasn't really my decision. My parents suggested I might be happier dressing as a girl since I was more "feminine" and I was made to believe that was normal for me.

At that young age, nobody could tell if my physical features were male or female. The only way strangers would know was by how I was dressed which was always as a female. Nobody ever made it an issue, but my parents told as many people as they could. Even though it made me uncomfortable, they always made sure every new person we met knew that I was a transsexual.

The way they presented it was always how brave I was, but it was always presented in a way that also made them appear brave. Especially among their progressive friends who were always complimenting them on how enlightened and forward-thinking they were.

Many times, I would dress myself as a boy and my parents would tell me things like, "Don't let ignorant people choose who you are. You were born a girl, so be a girl.". Through high school, I would change from week to week dressing as a boy and a girl. Some called me confused or said I was doing it for attention.

My sophomore year in high school, my parents moved me to a larger school district known for its diversity. I instantly settled into a group of about a dozen kids who were also outcasts and oddities.

We all had similar stories and, either by themselves or with help from their parents, decided we were all transsexuals. At that point, I still didn't think I was a transsexual, but with most of my friends identifying as transsexuals, I did feel more comfortable in a group.

As a high school graduation g*ft, my parents decided that they would pay for my transition from a male to female and the process began. My first step was lengthy psychiatric sessions with a Dr. specializing in transsexual transitions. I've already heard everything he had to say because my parents were telling me the same things my whole life. They must have read the same studies and books.

The times I tried to tell the Psychiatrist of my doubts were used as argument points as if he were debating me. Over the next year, I was more convinced it was my idea and what I wanted.

Even the day of my transition surgery, I wasn't sure it was what I truly wanted, but figured so much effort and money has been invested in this process. It's too late to stop now.

It's been three years since my transition and I know I've made a horrible mistake. I never was a girl and I'm certainly not one now. I was and have always been a gay male. I should have stayed a gay male. I know I would have been much happier.