Am I Sick In The Head?

I live a city away from my Mother’s side of family (only biologically related to the uncles) and we visit whenever my little brother has a holiday from school.

There are 3 houses we typically visit (used to be 4 but they moved country, plus I was only about 8 when they did), but ever since I was 14, I would go around looking for underwear from my aunts to jack off with. It’s like an addiction, I can’t help myself. It’s a combination of my attraction to older, bustier women and the taboo of stealing underwear, it also being my only stimulus besides my own hand.

There’s one in particular that catches my attention the most. Even though I love my uncle dearly, his wife is beautiful; I just wish I could ravage her and make her my woman, instead. Their marriage isn’t the best and even though they have a kid (only adding to my guilt of fantasising over this woman as I adore him, too), she’d been caught flirting with another guy on Facebook, before. I can just tell she’s frustrated, too. My uncle isn’t the kind of guy to be very sexually active.

So, question is, am I actually fucked up? I’ve been doing this for around 5 years without getting caught once. These guys open up their homes to me with trust and compassion, and here I am, betraying them all by masturbating with their wife’s underwear whenever I can. I feel horrendous about it, but I just can’t stop.