Yup... I pretty much hate the majority of my neighbors with every bone, muscle, vein and internal organ in my body. This being said there certainly are some sweet people on my street too.

Something you should know about my family. We have a dog. I'll be the first to admit she's not perfectly behaved but she's not near as bad as the neighbors think she is, and neither am I.

Incident 1:
Puppy and I were going for a walk at around 7am, and as we were walking by the neighbors house we passed a giant dog... dropping right in the middle of their sidewalk. Of course this is rather disgusting, and it's not like I was going to or COULD do anything about it (I needed my bag for my dogs own business) so we sidestepped it and continued on our way; not giving it another thought. Later that day (at around 2pm) we were going for another walk, and went by it again (the neighbors were having some yard work done at this time). I made eye contact, nodded and smiled my greeting to the gardeners as we passed by, again avoiding the crap. On the way back, however, the neighbors (a rather elderly couple) were backing out of their driveway, stopped when they saw me, rolled down their window, and beckoned me with the wave of one finger. Thinking this strange as I've never conversed with them before, I went forward and bent over so I could make eye contact. The man pointed at the dog crap (now thrown onto the government owned patch of grass that I still have to mow)and said

"That's illegal you know."
I couldn't just let THIS one slip by.

"Yes sir, I know it's illegal, but why are you wasting your breath and time telling me this when you should be telling the person who left it there."

"IT did it. The workmen said they saw her do it." he said now motioning to my dog standing behind me wondering what the heck was going on.

OK It's on now... and WHAT?! All the workmen saw her do was drop her tennis ball for me to kick along the sidewalk for her.

"No sir, SHE didn't do it; and I don't honestly see how the workmen could say they saw her do it considering its twice as big as her head. I don't understand how you think it's plausible that it could come from her. Also, this was here at 7 this morning, when I was walking her; leading me to believe it was done sometime last night or earlier than we were even up. Maybe before you go accusing every person you see with a dog you should think things through; and consider firing those workmen, they're obviously pathological liars."

On this note I walked around their car and headed for home without looking back.

The fact that my dog and I got blamed for something we definitely did not do ticked me off to no end, and the mans ignorance smarted like a slap to the face. It was time to do something unreasonable and immature to get back at these people. That night at around 11 we were going for our final walk, leash-less, I realized I had to use the bathroom. I slowly made my way up onto their porch and pissed on the mat.

No, my dog didn't crap on your sidewalk. But I pissed on your welcome mat. :)

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Feb 8, 2009 at 2:33 PM

I hear you. Something happens to folks when they get old that makes them obsessive about dogs defecating and urinating on their lawns. I actually had one crone on my block demand to see my dog clean up bag when I was out walking my pooch. The bag was in my pocket but apparently Hagatha thought I didn't have one. Her nasty manner annoyed me to the extent that I got angry at an old person, something I rarely do.
"Do you want to see a bag?" i asked sweetly.
"Yes! Show it to me right now!" she demanded.
I suggested that if she wanted to see a bag so badly she should look in the mirror. She looked puzzled and then an expression of rage crossed her wizened face. I went on my merry way, whistling a cheery tune.
Another oldster, a male this time, ordered me away from the curb as I was walking my dog.
"That's MY lawn. Keep your dog off MY LAWN" he wheezed.
I attempted to teach him about easements and right-of-ways. The curbside belongs to the town. It's not his property. That was too baffling for the ancient grump to comprehend. he stood and watched me walk away with my dog, liver-spotted hands on hips, his wrinkled visage twisted into a ferocious frown.
Now, I would never, ever suggest doing anything vengeful to folks like these, but this is a little stunt some friends of mine pulled off when they were confronted with dog poop-obsessed neighbors.
Step 1: Get a paper bag.
Step 2: Fill bag with dog feces.
Step 3. Wait until dark.
Step. 4: place bag on offending neighbor's front porch.
Step 5: Set bag alight.
Step 6: Ring doorbell.
Step 7: Run like the wind.
Step 8: laugh until you wet your pants as a frantic geezer or geezerette stamps on the burning bag, thereby besmearing his or her footweat with hot, smelly dog turds.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Feb 8, 2009 at 2:37 PM

On a separate note, I love sarah, sixteen times with a flagpole. with the mexican flag on it.
In the middle of an orange night moon, surrounded with platipi.

In beijing.

but no olympians.

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