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- I Hate My Neighbor -

I dont HATE my neighbors..I don't even really know most of them. I just moved to a new place and it seems like all the women in the neighborhood have their claws out and are ready to fuel some gossip. I have talked to a few of them on occassion, and it just seems like they ALWAYS talk about SOMEONE. I don't want to get involved with that kinda crap, so I stay to myself. They are always having little parties together and ask me to go, and I WANT to go and make friends, but I am not sure if I want THESE type of friends. But I hate to be rude and anti-social. What should I do?

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# 4936 - by Anonymous / March 4, 2009
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Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 5, 2009 at 8:39 PM

So aren't YOU talking about them on here? Doesn't that make you just as bad?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 5, 2009 at 10:21 PM

Well Im not saying anything bad about them, I just don't know whether I should be friends with them. And its one thing to anonymously blog about a question that I am having regarding these women. Its quite another to stand out in my front yard and talk about one person to another person, and then another. Just wanted some friendly advice..thats all. No need to be mean :-)

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 7, 2009 at 12:30 PM

Here's my friendly advice, then.
Go over to their soirees and try to be friendly without revealing everything about you and your family's life.
If you are not accepted, they'll be rude to you forever, but if you don't go at all the same thing will happen.
So take a chance.
You've nothing to lose.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 10, 2009 at 11:23 AM

Look what happended to me when tried to be the "gossip girls" friends. A year and a half ago I quit my job as a probation officer to stay at home. Shortly before I had quit I had met a woman (HL) at the pool who had a daughter the same age as my daughter, and as luck would have it she was also a stay at home mom. I befriended this woman and her next door neighbor (KA) who has a son also my daughter's age. I begain to hang around these women and attend their neighborhood get togethers. We would watch each other's children and go shopping together. I taught these women some crafts that I make and so on. You get the picture. One day HL came to me and said that my daughter was at her house and said my mom sticks her hand down her pants and eats it. Initially I was going laugh because it was so outlandish but saw the seriousness on HL's face and said "I wonder if anyone has hurt her?". I then went home and asked my daughter about the comment and she reminded me we were at Wal-Mart earlier in the week and she had gotten some feces on her hands and I explained and made a gesture to "down there" and that we don't put our hands down there and then made a gesture towards my mouth and said because we don't want it to get in our mouths and that it is full of germs and is YUCKY. From this my daughter assumed that I did that and proceeded to tell the neighbor this. I went down and told HL the information that my daughter had given me. About a week later I got a letter from Social Services saying that I was being investigated for molesting my daughter. A social worker came out and said that there were three allegations. The first was that I told HL that my daughter had been molested by a teacher. My daughter has never been to school and nor did I say that. Secondly, HL reported that my daughter said that she could not ride a bike because her privates hurt and that I had told HL that my daughter's privates were "SPLIT" and that her husband and KA's husband molested her. Again my daughter had said that and her privates were hurt. She had worn a life jacket all day that had a strap that went through her legs. Apparently the jacket was too lose and was riding up while she was in the water causing the strap to chaif her. I had called my doctor and he advised to put vasaline on it and have her sit on the toliet backwards to prevent any urine from getting on the irritation for a period of time. I never went and accused their husbands of doing anything to my daughter. If I thought that I would have called law enforcement and I would not have allowed her to spend the night at their house after this alleged incident. The third allegation was me sticking my hands down my pants and having my daughter watch. The Social Worker talked with my daughter and came down the stairs and asked me what I did to these women to make them hate me so bad. I was so shocked I could not believe these were my friends that did this.

HL sent me a nasty letter saying that I was turning it all around on me and taking the focus off of my daughter. I told her that the allegations were unfounded and unsubstantated and she told me to refrain from coping text from my PROBATION OFFICER manual. She continued to say that I did the things that she reported I did. I eventually stopped emailing her back and tried to seperate myself from the situation. However, my daughter was begging to see her friends and she constantly was crying about not getting to play with them. I found her new friends and made extra efforts to get her new friends and play dates.

One day the two moms HL and KA told me to come to their house and they would talk to me. I went down there stupidly trying to work on this so my daughter did not have to lose these friends. When I got down there they told me I was a negligant mother and that I was to blame for all of this. They said they could not believe that I don't care about my daughter or what has happenend to her. When I repeatedly said nothing has happened they continued to say that they know it has. I finally stood up and said you can't fix stupid and left. They sent text messages and called my house repeatedly and I blocked their numbers and emails from reaching me. Since that time they have gone around the neighborhood and held parties where people have come and told me that they are telling everyone I am an unregistered sex offender and my daughter has been molested. I have been behind them when they have said this while at the school. I am the PTO president and a cub scout den leader. I have many people who are my friends but the people who don't know me are believing this crap. My daughter is now in kindergarten and she went to school and made a friend and it is the little girl of one of the ladies I overheard talking about me. I can't let my daughter go over there and play and she won't let her chilld over to my house. For a year and a half this has been going on and I have been unable to move forward. I went to go see a therapist on Monday and her advice was to move. We financially cannot really afford that right now. She said I needed to get my kids out of the school too. My children love their school and have tons of friends in the school. I am not sure this is the way to go. I agree this has devistated me and hurt me beyond belief but isn't there anything else I can do? HELP!!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 10, 2009 at 12:22 PM

I would sue the woman for slander. She will have to prove her allegations, which she can't, and there will be a public record that she lied.

Take her to court.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 10, 2009 at 11:21 PM

Wow, THAT is why I don't want to become friends with the "Gossip Queens". They take one little fragment of a story and completely turn it around.
Sounds to me like you need to get a little even with these women. I know it seems like the immature thing to do, but maybe they will stop causing problems for you, when they see how bad it hurts to be the target of negative attention. You should play nice to them and just when they say ONE thing to you (about something as dumb as taking out the trash)..tell everyone you saw her eating from her garbage can one night! haha.
Of course my other suggestion would be for you to move as well. I know that its not financially possible, but maybe you can stay with a family member or friend until you can get a place. Anything is better than having to go through that stuff everyday. Its definitley not healthy to expose your kids to all that negativity. Sure, you don't want them to lose friends...but we have all the technology in the world that enables us to maintain contact with friends and family when we cant see them.
Do what I do until then, just keep to yourself, don't talk to anyone, dont play nice, dont be mean, just live your life and teach your kids the best way you know how. These women are obviously just looking for something to talk about...so just make yourself invisible to them. what a bunch of bitches though. How cruel. Its one thing to say that a neighbor "wants her husband" or "drives too fast through the neighborhood" or "doesn't keep a clean house"...but we are talking "molestion!!!" Sue those women for SLANDER. you DO HAVE A CASE. Good luck and best wishes to you.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 29, 2009 at 10:27 AM

I would have fun with this.I know lies are bad but you can spread them about yourself just make up shit.If they are going to be mean and spread stuff make sure they have some really outlandish shit to tell each other.Not a good idea for the faint of heart though''.I was imprisoned for 6 months several years ago, oh I don't want to talk about it !I just don't want you guys to get the wrong impression of me.Really?ok but please do not tell anyone.My old neighbor was spreading gossip about me and well I confronted her and well she ended up in the hospital with skull fractures-I could have been charged with attempted murder but my lawyer got the charges reduced to assault I mean she recovered but her memory has not been the same since.Well I guess her new neighbor won't have to worry about her spreading rumors."Then smile wickedley.

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