I Have Never Had Real Sex

I came to Stanford for an MBA. I am Mexican from a well to do family in Monterrey. My father sent me to Stanford where he went to College and graduate school to get me out of Mexico. When I graduated I got an internship with a large investment banking firm in New York. My dream job.

It became obvious I would not get a work visa, and I would have to return to Mexico. A client of the firm new about my visa situation and he offered to marry me and help me get my permanent residency. I married him, he of course had me move to Houston where he lived and worked in oil and gas. I got a job with a large multinational oil major.

I lived with him, and I changed my name, address, all the paperwork to backup the official marriage. He took me to social events, he went with me to social events, we made sure we had lots of pictures taken. We had official wedding pictures. Everything about us looked real, but he had never touched me, I was 27 and a virgin. He told me one day he was gay, but he wasn't sexual following a scare with AIDS.

I was married three years, no children which bothered me more and more. And I was a virgin. I wanted more and more to know what a man was like. He agreed to have testing for AIDS, nothing came up, he never had it, did not have it, or any other health issues. I begged him to get me pregnant. I had no desire to get divorced, I was his wife. We had sex. It was like a dream that id not come true. No passion. I did get pregnant, at least I would have children.

The only sex I have is procreation sex. We have two children. I am 31 years old, I am frustrated, I dream of being in the arms of Romeo who can make me beg. I read about all the women who have men who abuse them, force them to have sex. I want that. I want that. I can never tell my husband I dream about being abused sexually by a man. I masturbate to have orgasms. I have never held an erect penis in my hand, tasted a penis. I have never been eaten sexually. All I know is from what I read or watch videos. I have thought about other women.

I can never get divorced from the father of my children. From my husband. I could never let another man close to me. I will never dishonor my vows. I was young and desperate. Now I am a wife and mother. In Spanish sex toys are called 'consoladores', comforters. That's all I have, a comforter and dreams of Romeo.