I Promoted My Husband Affair And It Gives Me Peace

I suspected my husband was cheating on me. I knew his code for his phone and went through it and sure enough he texted regularly with this woman from work. The texts were intimate but not explicit. He is the controller for a company and for the week of close they work late, not to mention year end.

I angst about it for a long time, kept reading their texts, imagined what they did when he wasn't home. I followed him one night, he drove home and I had to make up an excuse why I wasn't home. After several months of reading their texts I was hooked on their life and I had to restrain myself not to interfere. I had no direct evidence but their exchange was enough for me to believe they were in a love affair and it was active. No woman I know talks to a man about her most intimate thoughts and feelings unless she is very intimate with him.

I went as long as I could before confronting him. He answered that she was the proverbial work wife. I whipped out an answer before thinking, how could he abuse her like that, lead her on? If he had no intentions of following through leave her alone. He looked at me, I was crazy, I wanted him to act on it? I answered yes, or leave her be. Either he formalized things with her or let her go.

I talked to her. She sat without a word listening to me tell her to get her act together, claim what was rightfully hers. I just wanted what was right for her. And if that meant I had to share, so be it.

It took a lot of self reflection to understand that I wanted their relationship to come to life. She deserved real physical love. And he needed to man up and be that man for her. I was on the sideline already, so I pushed them to go physical. I monitored their texts, I masturbated to their sex, I waited to have sex after he had gone to see her. I had gone crazy. I was infatuated with their love affair.

That's what happens when you're lonely. I'm in therapy, they are actively sexual, I'm passively sexual, mostly I masturbate and imagine I'm her. If she's happy I'm happy. Crazy? Yes, but everyone's crazy. This is my crazy.