I Knew That I Was Gay Early But Chose To Keep It To Myself

I grew up in NO in a somewhat good neighborhood. I went to an all boys Catholic schools. I would go onto college at Tulane and make a career of being a CFO. But first I had to get to college.

In school there were boys who we all knew enjoyed being nice to certain men there. It was pretty obvious, they tended to be small and were very religious and they were always doing this or that for one of the Priests. This and that we all understood, some boys were cut out for that. I was in between, good in school, good in sports, but not that big and I hung out with some of the larger boys who were in the more masculine sports, Football. I played tennis and baseball. I fully admit that I enjoyed being in the locker room with the naked jocks. And more than once it crossed my mind what I would do if one of them decided that I should be their boy. I imagined it and masturbated a lot. During the last years of high school I wanted to suck cock so bad it hurt, and I wanted one of those boys to fuck me. I started wearing my sister's underwear and I wanted to be caught.

But I wasn't caught, I masturbated heavily, I dreamed of cocks dripping in my mouth, I dreamed of some man in the night. I had a few things around the house that I hid in my room and with the help of some creams I found in my mother's dresser I could insert these in my rectum and masturbate until my dick hurt and the towel under me was wet enough to sleep on.

Between my high school graduation and my first year of college my uncle got me a job working for a store which catered to the sailors at the port. These stores sold everything, from blue jeans to cups. The old man who owned the store sometimes would take a sailor back to the back into a room and when the sailor left he would have a magazine or some pictures in a manila envelope. The porn he sold was of all kind, of course most of it was women naked, but not all of it, some of it was some guy behind her inserting his penis in her. That's the porn I focused on, the penis. I never cared about the woman. And I found the porn that really was to become my favorite, naked men, in black and white, sucking dick, fucking other men. And some of those magazines were of dark men the old man called Turks, he figured out pretty quickly that is what I liked, some big hairy Turk with his dick in the hands or mouth or ass of some skinny white sailor, He gave me several of the stand alone pictures and I used them to masturbate all summer.

The old man was part Greek and Hugarian or something like that and he liked me and his dick was big and nasty and I held it in my hand and sucked it and it dripped into my mouth and it dripped into my ass. He had the right kind of lube in the store sold under some innocuous name and he shared his porn with me and fucked me for the shear pleasure of it. I was in heaven and I didn't want to go to college and give up my job at the store. In college there were only college kids and this or that professor but no one like the old man at the store. I went back from time to time but he had a new boy working there but he sold me new magazines and pictures, and he knew what I liked. He kept some for me, the Turks and Greek men with the skinny sailors.

I went on to a long career, I had to find alternate sources of pleasure, I learned the places to go in the city I lived in to find a man who was looking for a slim man like myself. I was a good cock sucker and I wore panties when I went out and I was always quick to show these men affection. Many men like a slim man in a dress and makeup, with lace panties and high heels. I had a uniform of sorts, when I went out and trolled for a man. But once you reach a certain age the dress and panties don't work. I happened across an old man, well old to me at the time, who liked me enough and I became his lover. Always quiet and in the closet, but his lover.

After the company I was with was sold I had a little money and I took a trip to the Middle East, I had to go to Istambul. I had to see if those memories, those magazines were true. Big hairy Turks who liked skinny white sailors. Of course I was anything but a skinny sailor, certainly not a youngster, but the Turks still had to be there, I asked around, hinted at the front desk, and I was given a lead to a small restaurant where I went in the evening. Effinimete men of all nature were there, and Turks and Greeks and Hugarians, who found the effininete men attractive. I got suggestions from some of these effiminete men, they saw me as one of the men looking to take one home with me to undress and enjoy for the evening. I left the restaurant and returned to the hotel alone. I got on the internet and cruised around and for the type of porn I like and masturbated myself to sleep that night, my illusions of the Turks had been both fulfilled and dashed, I wasn't what they were looking for.

I live a quiet life now, back in NO and I go down to the docks and walk around the stores where the sailors come to buy things to take home. I hold a magazine in my hand and let them see what I have, they know what the magazines are, and from time to time an old Greek Captain or Hungarian Electrician strikes up a conversation and we go for the afternoon to my apartment and I show off my panties and suck their cocks to completiobn or if they want, I lay back and let them have their pleasure.