Since I Was A Child I Masturbate The Same Way

Since i was 5 i touch myself the same way.

I rub my vagina with my underwear and pants on.

I tried a few times to touch myself completely naked down there as an adult and it wasn't the same. It felt good, i was kinda wet but i wasn't feel the specific pleaure i want to feel to satisfy.

I tried to put a finger inside, a dildo and a vibrator, again it wasn't the same. It was kinda good but not that good to want to do it again and again. Maybe i don't know how to use them right.

Touching myself with my clothes on, the clothes and underwear touching and rubbing my vagina feels even better.

I realized a specific pants and a specific underwear i have makes the sensation even better and i try to wear them as much as i can or at least more often so i can have a good time.

The only difference is as a child i was shameless and could do it everywhere in the house.
I remember a time when i was a kid and was touching myself in my parent's bedroom on the bed while they were sleeping.
I liked that experience because it was dangerous as well. Because i knew if they woke up and saw me they would be mad at me and yelled at me.

So i was trying to not breathe so loud or so fast to not wake them up.

I was enjoying to touch myself everywhere in the house and in my grandmother's house (i remember i did it when i was at the kindergarten too). And i was doing so much that my vagina used to hurt. Also i realized that masturbating when i had to pee was incredible good.

But unfortunately my parents stopped me the hard way around age 8-9 (they hit me) and my sister was laughing at me when she caughted me. I was hitted and humiliated enough times to developed a gult inside my pure, innocent, childish heart. A guilt that still exists even now and has a huge impact on my view on sex, sexual fantasies and might some preferences i have in porn and some dreams i have sometimes.

So i stared to be more careful.

I was so ashamed for what i was doing after they hit me and my sister laughed at me, i thought i was the only one in the planet who was doing it. But i couldn't stop because it felt good and relaxing. My innocent mind thought i have to keep that pleasurable sin in secret and as i said i was trying to be more careful.

I started to do it at nights where my parents and sister were sleeping or when i was completely sure that i would be alone in my bedroom because my sister and i shared the same room.

And now when i do it. i do it under my covers in my bedroom by rubbing my underwear and pants i already wear on my vagina. Also i do it whenever i want because my parents don't enter in my room without a warning like they did when i was a kid.

The second difference was as a child i couldn't get wet, now i can.

I don't really know if my parents know i am doing it now.
But if they look my underwears when they clean family clothes they probably know because my underwears are usually wet.