What Am I, Bisexual, Lesbian, Straight? All Three.

I don't really understand the idea of being bisexual. Either you is or you ain't. Personally I have a question about many gay people, are they really? Or is it a convenient hiding place. Sex is not intellectual, social, a diversion, fun. It's guttural, it comes from so deep inside of you you do not control it. Sex is a drive, like hunger. Sex drives you to conceive. It's not casual. I believe that lesbian women have the drive to conceive. To do that they need a man. So? Are they not heterosexual first, and lesbians second?

My first sex occurred when I was 16. I knew what I was doing, but I could not stop it. You don't willingly submit to a man manhandling you. But you do it. Then you think about it, maybe regret it. But when you are in heat he can do what he wants and you will let him. That's my experience.

I try being a lesbian. It's fun. I like it. Much more than sex with a man. But it's not a drive. The same drive that had me lain out under a man while he came and I let him, fully aware that I was getting pregnant. I excused it, excused being pregnant. A baby in your belly calls out to you. You can't wait to have the baby, you have to wait but you want your baby now, not tomorrow.

Look, I do on a regular basis have sexual relations with a woman. A woman, not women. We are friends, sisters in a way, we have lived together for many years. We are 'gay' to others, but when I'm in heat a man, the father of my children, has his way. And I am all his, until he finishes and lets me go. And I don't kid myself, I want another child. Now, not tomorrow.