i have been drinking for 15 years. heavily for the last ten but dependently for the last two. i am only 31, attractive, educated, have a good job, a teenage son, many friends and reckless habits. i am late for work 4 out of 5 times a week, lately my production has been terrible. my finances are in bad shape because i budget generously for my drinking habits.

it is difficult for me to have sex with a guy if i have not had a few drinks. but i get drunk every night with one objective, to get fucked. i have been fucking every attractive guy i have met for three years. unprotected or not. i meet guys in bars, parties or clubs and i take them home and fuck them. i pride myself on how good-looking they are and how well i can get them off. i feel vindicated when a guy wants to go all night with me.

i love getting nailed hard and become distracted at work with the idea of hard cocks in my mouth or pounding me hard and fast. the problem is, guys fuck me all right, then i never hear from them again. even friends. and the ones that are pretty regular fuck buddies make me feel worse because they only come around when it is convenient for them. one guy finds it perfectly reasonable to come and over to my house, enjoy me sucking his dick, cum in my mouth then quickly leave. the last time, he did me a small favor, without any skill, he pathetically tried to finger me while i sucked him to orgasm in less than seven minutes.

i feel terrible about myself even though everybody loves and values me for being charming, clever and pretty...i just hate that when i get freaky and nasty that guys are through with me. am i just a drunk slut? is that why they don't want anything more to do with me? and i hate in the beginning when they are desperate to get next to me and as soon as i respond, they are finished, with no remorse. like i'm some rag doll. i admit that in bed i am a lot more than people expect. i love to fuck.

i have regretted so many guys i have gone to bed with. i am sure many guys regret having gone to bed with me. i have screwed more than 100 guys. am i just a pathetic drunk looking for acceptance and affection and i confuse fucking for "love?" if that is true, then i use alcohol to stuff my lonely, sad and desperate feelings. i just want to be loved and appreciated by someone who wants to be with me all the time, especially intimately.

last night this guy who helped me get my drunk girlfriend home was in my car and he whipped out his beautiful huge cock. i fondled and squeezed it and could wait to hop on top of it but wanted one more drink first. he agreed, but when we got into the bar, all of a sudden he left. i felt rejected by that. there are a million reasons why he may have wanted to leave. but i feel rejected. and i really want to fuck that dick. it was fucken big.

i want to suck it too. damn. one guy i fuck and wish it were more serious, but obviously he isn't interested doesn't have a big cock but it gets so hard that when we fuck i get off on how it feels like steel and i love him in my mouth. i haven't seen or heard from him in two weeks. not even a hello. i hate that. i don't want to stop fucking him, but i guess i should. he doesn't repect me. none of these guys do. they only want to fuck when they want to fuck.

i need to find another sex addict drunk so we could service each other. but i have a gross need to fuck fresh meat often. i am beyond hope.