Drinking The Poison Was The Cure To My Nightmares

As a young teen one of my female cousins was R and m****red. The whole thing traumatized everyone, including me. It really hit me when I got to college and I was living in the dorm. The buildings, guys hanging out by the girls' dorms, dark campus after nightfall. I lived scared.

I survived college and got a job downtown. The alleys, people everywhere, dark hallways, stairways. I saw predators everywhere, in suits, running gear, work shirts. Why I told my boss about my fears I don't know. The next thing I know I'm on the couch in my apartment and he's on top of me and my vagina is being ripped open. But nothing was wrong after he got off, I wasn't bleeding, my vagina wasn't sore. I was embarrassed, he had pushed my top up over my breasts, my pants were off. I had never had a man see me naked, I'd never been to a male doctor.

More and more, he took my pants off, I exposed my breasts, he grabbed me, kissed me. I sat with him, ate with him, went home with him, went out with him, laughed with him. So he had sex with me, what of it. I got on birth control, moved in with him. I learned to drive, he bought a car for me, I parked in garages. My nightmares ended, I couldn't resuscitate them. They are images from an old movie, not real. Not really memories.