Deep In The Closet, Below The Thermal Barrier, Happy As A Clam

I attended a state school in the Southwest. I studied Agricultural Economics. I would say that most all the students in the Agriculture school were from rural areas or small towns. In the first semester of my senior year we were assigned a joint project and my name was pulled with another senior I'll name G. G was from a rural town and his family was prominent there. One evening, it was still not dark, we were at his apartment and messing around. We sat close to each other working on the paper. I kept looking at him wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

I wanted to kiss him, bad. The feeling surprised me. When he said he had to use the bathroom I followed him and stood beside the toilet to watch him pee. Also a never before done behavior. He was uncomfortable, we kept looking into our eyes, I wanted to kiss him but his penis also screamed for my attention. I heard him finish and I bent over holding myself up with one hand on the water tank of the toilet and took his penis and put it in my mouth. He pulled away hard, yelling obscenities at me, I responded to let me, I had fallen to my knees, his penis still out of his zipper, I walked to him on my knees and, he had backed up against the wall and I took his penis in my hand and into my mouth and closed my eyes. I've never found the right word for it, enjoyment, pleasure, it was way beyond that. I think the word lust is the only one that fits. The urge, overwhelming urge. He had developed an erection.

I stood and holding his dick in my hand I kissed him on the mouth and still holding his dick in my hand we went to the bedroom, I stripped my clothes off until I was totally naked and grabbed at his sweater to take it over his head and his pants and there he was on his back on the bed, his has lost it's erection but was still full and appetizing. His eyes said no, I told him something, and got on the bed and kissed his dick again and got on top of him grinding against him, holding his face and kissing him. He surrendered and the kisses became kisses, the embrace an embrace, i got his hand on my dick and then his head and mouth and he sucked me with passion. Minutes passed before the urge to have him on my back got the better of me and I laid on my stomach and asked him to get on.

G was hard and he refused but I needed it, it's not that I begged, I demanded that he get on my back and his hard dick between the crack of my ass was more than I could take, I lifted my hips and told him to fuck me. I could feels his tears on my cheek as he fucked, getting stronger and more and more aggressive, again the lust for it, the feeling of his dick in me, grabbing me , writhing on my back, his breath on my neck, he had stopped crying, over and over he repeated the same thing, 'fuck you, fuck you' and he fucked me and came,

Seeing him naked was a pleasure, I wanted him to kiss me but he stood apart from the bed. My dick wanted to be sucked, to have him tear at it with his hand, but all I could do was tear at it with mine. He wouldn't suck me or jerk me off. It was the most disappointing ejaculation laying on my back looking up at him, his naked dick hanging there, his eyes glazed over.

I left, my adrenaline still high, he was angry beyond words, when he didn't show up in class the next day I went to his apartment, there were no cell phones back then and few if any students had phones of their own. He didn't answer the door and I went home by myself. He never showed up in class again and a neighbor of his told me that he had moved out. I never saw G again.

I graduated and got a job at a bank, I met some people and through this one girl at the bank met her friend who had just graduated and needed to get married to stay in the United States. I didn't care and I married her, totally fake, but after many months the girl at the bank told me that she was despondent because I had never touched her and she was married. Out of some sense of obligation really, I fucked her one night, she gave up her virginity and got pregnant. Whether I wanted a wife I had a wife.

During her pregnancy I met a realtor and we went out to look at properties he wanted the bank to finance. He was in his thirties, I kept looking at his hands. And during the walk through of this one property I got the urge to kiss him, but he beat me to it. His kiss was aggressive, powerful, demanding, he kissed me into submission. Soon I was sucking on his dick, his hand holding my head by my hair, fucking my mouth which was totally okay. I kept looking up to him, his eyes hard and dominating me, I sucked his cock, he was hard, very hard, that kind of hard that a man gets when he's going to fuck. I dropped my pants and bent over leaning against the wall in the empty bedroom and he fucked me completely and every stroke was heaven. More, more my mind yelled, harder, harder my mind yelled.

I became his lover, his go to boy at the bank. He did very well and the market was ripe and I got promoted for improving production, during the day it was all business, he taught me all about the realty business, and on weekends, or during lunch, he kissed me until I fell to my knees. I didn't think about it at the time, but I was definitely in love with him. My wife, pregnant and after her child, was a burden to me, emotionally and financially. But he insisted I keep her, it gave us cover. More than anything he pushed me up the ranks, he had connections and he used them and I became a Vice President, and the picture of my wife and child was necessary to fit in. She eventually had a second child, our marriage is just what it was the when we got married, a marriage of convenience.

Me, after 30 years I am deep in the closet, I've had several long term affairs, and several one night stands at conventions. I'm definitely more comfortable with men my age, the younger men today are too dangerous with their social media and mental issues. No, a man of experience, with a manner and hand who knows how to get me on my knees, knows how he wants me to look up to him, with his dick in my mouth. It's in the eyes, if he kisses me passionately he has me where he wants me and that's where I want to be.