When You Are Fed Up Of This Shit So Bad Hurting You Could Prostitute

I have never done a lot of sexual things and my age is 30. I am sexually shy and I feel like no one has ever understood it or why I am so sexually intimidated and frigid and unable to sexually express a lot of feelings but I never get asked out by a group of friends I can trust. I always seem to land myself in weird situations of more then hit and giggle sexploits but sex violence that is ugly and mean. I don't like that. Never given head to a guy. Never kissed a guy til a few years ago and I was 28 and it took me to be drunk to do that. It felt weird.

I was r**ed and even if I orgasm in my bedroom alone I get a head spin which feels great and unreal but I never wanted to be all alone. I just long for more sexually and I want to know what real romance and love is.