I Hate That I Enjoyed Being R*ped

I have a very high libido. My boyfriend is able to make me orgasm but once was never enough for me. After he is done, he uses vibrators to satisfy me and I enjoy it a lot. But I wished he could last longer by himself. But one day he had to travel somewhere for a month. I became very depressed because of no sex.
One guy noticed that I was alone. He was a lowlife thug who used to bully my BF a lot. My BF would retaliate by calling him racist slurs since he's black but then he'd get beaten up by the black guy. He kept hitting on me but I didn't want to do anything with him. One day when I was feeling very lonely, I let him come over just to hang out. I soon regretted it as he soon forced himself on me. He was so strong and could move me around like I was nothing. I wasn't able to put up any fight as he soon pinned me down on the bed and stripped me naked. I cried as he fingered me and made me cum. I hated it. I hated that I enjoyed being toyed with by him. I was too aroused and scared because I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold back if he penetrated me. As soon as I felt him inside me, I turned my face to hide my arousal. But he started thrusting hard and I couldn't hold it in. I tried but tiny grunts escaped my lips and when I looked at him, he was smiling. Smiling at how he was making me react. I was ashamed but it felt so good. He drove me closer and closer to the edge until I looked down at his abs and saw his cock disappearing into my pussy and I lost control. I came like I never came before. My eyes rolled back and my hips moved up and down on their own to feel more of his dick. I thought I was gonna pass out. He stayed still inside me the whole time I was cumming and then flipped me around and started humping me from behind. I begged him to stop and let me rest but he did what he wanted to. I orgasmed three times from this r*pe and I was so ashamed when he finished inside me that I curled up into a ball and cried as he left. I tried to call my BF for two days but he didn't answer. I was beginning to feel in need of sex again and I had no one. Somehow I ended up deciding to meet up with the thug again. But he ignored me. I don't know what I wanted from him but I kept trying to talk to him but he always pretended like I wasn't there. When he finally listened to me, I said I wanted to talk to him in private but he humiliated me. He told me to say what I wanted to in front of the other guys that were there. I listened and told him that I wanted him to fuck me. I was embarrassed but I needed it. He made me ride him and I kept cumming from sex with him. I don't know how I am going to tell my BF about this.