Straight Male / 45
Horrible Memory From Childhood Came Up In Middle Of Having Sex
Recently, I apologized to a former lover for something she took personal when it wasn’t her fault. I have PTSD from trauma from my childhood and over the years sporadically I’ve had dark flashbacks that come out of nowhere.
One day I was having intense sexual with a friend with benefit. Out of nowhere for no reason at all I had a dark flashback of my dad strangling me when I was a little kid.
There was no reason this messed up memory should’ve popped up. I freaked out and had to pull out of her obviously as I started to shake. She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer as I was literally reliving this nightmare as if it was actually happening in front of me.
Ten minutes or so later I came to and was back but the damage was done. She was already dressed now and swearing at me. She called me a cock tease and k remember saying what are you talking about?
I was literally out of it for several minutes beforehand. I told her what happened and she assumes I was lying. Even when I’m telling the truth some people assume I’m lying. I wasn’t. I was beyond disturbed by what happened. Having ptsd though this stuff sadly sometimes happens.
She then left still swearing while I laid naked on the floor still visibly shaken. She ghosted me for a whole before showing up the other day. She said do you really have ptsd?
I told her I did and my childhood was utter hell whether getting beat up by my dad at home or by all the closet case jocks at school. I had no escape.
Evidently, she talked with some people and researched what it is as she is younger than I am and I guess I will say not dumb bit oblivious unless something happens to her. I figure at least she read about it and inquired.
She apologized and we had a nice talk before trying again to have sex. We didn’t miss a beat thankfully but having those horrible flashbacks, I never know when they will pop up.
This one bothered me more than usual. It wasn’t because it was during sex with a girl I like a lot. It was because of the memory from my past which scared me more than anything in my life, and I’ve been around a while and been through hell with many things.
Why the dreaded memory of when my dad strangled me when I was 6? There wasn’t any music on that could trigger that horrible memory, nor any noises or words she said. There was only her intense moaning.
When my dad attacked me all those years ago it was just him and I alone when he lost his mind more than usual. It’s just the nature of the disorder and I have it worse than most, but there are millions of us. At least now if it happens again she’ll know why. I just hope it doesn’t as it’s horrifying when it comes.
One day I was having intense sexual with a friend with benefit. Out of nowhere for no reason at all I had a dark flashback of my dad strangling me when I was a little kid.
There was no reason this messed up memory should’ve popped up. I freaked out and had to pull out of her obviously as I started to shake. She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer as I was literally reliving this nightmare as if it was actually happening in front of me.
Ten minutes or so later I came to and was back but the damage was done. She was already dressed now and swearing at me. She called me a cock tease and k remember saying what are you talking about?
I was literally out of it for several minutes beforehand. I told her what happened and she assumes I was lying. Even when I’m telling the truth some people assume I’m lying. I wasn’t. I was beyond disturbed by what happened. Having ptsd though this stuff sadly sometimes happens.
She then left still swearing while I laid naked on the floor still visibly shaken. She ghosted me for a whole before showing up the other day. She said do you really have ptsd?
I told her I did and my childhood was utter hell whether getting beat up by my dad at home or by all the closet case jocks at school. I had no escape.
Evidently, she talked with some people and researched what it is as she is younger than I am and I guess I will say not dumb bit oblivious unless something happens to her. I figure at least she read about it and inquired.
She apologized and we had a nice talk before trying again to have sex. We didn’t miss a beat thankfully but having those horrible flashbacks, I never know when they will pop up.
This one bothered me more than usual. It wasn’t because it was during sex with a girl I like a lot. It was because of the memory from my past which scared me more than anything in my life, and I’ve been around a while and been through hell with many things.
Why the dreaded memory of when my dad strangled me when I was 6? There wasn’t any music on that could trigger that horrible memory, nor any noises or words she said. There was only her intense moaning.
When my dad attacked me all those years ago it was just him and I alone when he lost his mind more than usual. It’s just the nature of the disorder and I have it worse than most, but there are millions of us. At least now if it happens again she’ll know why. I just hope it doesn’t as it’s horrifying when it comes.
