I Want To Be Intimate With My Father

From my first memories, I always felt erotic and sensual. I don't know why. I was never m****ted or exposed to anything obscene. My dad (mom passed when I was a baby) was uncomfortable with my behavior. He caught me masturbating a few times when I was small, and told me it was something I needed to keep private in my room. I remember him taking me to a doctor and asking if there were any signs of a vaginal infection which might cause me to do that, but there weren't. I already knew that. I just liked the feeling when I rubbed myself, and I couldn't see anything wrong with it. I remember lying on the bed in my room naked, massaging my whole body, from my thighs on up to my neck. I had little orgasms, but I didn't realize what they were.

Overall I was pretty well mannered except when it came to boys. Even before puberty, I'd go on and on about which boy looked cute and things like that. My dad joked about it. I remember a school assignment where we had to imagine what we'd be doing 10 years later. I asked my dad what he thought he'd be doing, and he said, "Probably raising your kid." I just rolled my eyes and said, "Oh daddy!" in a put-on exasperated voice.

As much as I liked boys, my favorite "boy" of all was always my dad. I don't know if I was so much a "daddy's girl" as he was a "daughter's man." I considered him my property and made it tough on him in so many ways. He'd find a nice girlfriend and I'd start acting jealous and find ways to end his relationships. He spoiled me and went along with whatever I wanted, I think partly because I was without a mother.

I guess I wanted him to be my boyfriend as much as my father. I could be seductive toward him at times but he always resisted. I'd give him a goodbye kiss on the lips and hold it until it was way past comfortable for him. Finally he'd gently take my arms from around his neck. I asked him why he was so afraid of me. He said, "I'm not afraid of you honey, you're the light of my life, but nothing scares me more than the thought of having you taken away from me. Plus, going to jail ain't high on my list of priorities."

Once we were at the lake and a band was playing nearby. It was a really hot day. I was in a bikini and dad was wearing shorts but no shirt. I wasn't quite tall enough to see the band. I asked dad if I could get on his shoulders. While I was up there I started getting horny. I don't know if it was because of the band or I was just riding high on my dad, but I started slowly pressing myself tight against his neck, tensing and releasing over and over. I sort of absentmindedly played with his hair and caressed his face. When I orgasmed I gripped his chin. Dad must have sensed it all but he never said anything.

When I became more interested in boys in general, I think he was glad because I wasn't so focused on him anymore. He was still my father though and protective of me. He'd use his sense of humor to remind me of boundaries when it came to hanging out with my friends. One time I came down the stairs wearing tight short shorts, a crop top, and strappy heels. He said, "Whoa, remember the rule around here. Only two items of slut clothing at a time. You're wearing three. Change the shoes or the shorts or the top." He pointed his finger, and I reluctantly went upstairs and put on a slightly longer top (I didn't want to lose the heels, they made my legs look too good.)

So, my daddy continued to keep me at arms length, no matter how I acted. After I graduated high school, I met a guy named Rick and moved in with him. Dad was really mad because I was a good student and he wanted me to go to college. Dad didn't like Rick and warned him he better not mistreat me or he'd kick his ass. Rick and I get along well. I don't love him but he's fun to be with.

With me being gone now, my dad is free to pursue relationships. I knew he was seeing somebody, but I hadn't met her. I went to visit dad one day last week. I came in through the garage which is attatched to the house. I could hear noises from his bedroom. He and a woman were having sex. All my old feeling of jealousy came back. I went outside around the house and I could see through a slit in the blinds. She looked a whole lot like me. He was flat on his back and she was sitting on him, facing him and riding him. It was all I could do not to walk in and yank her off of him by the hair of her head. I went back out to my car and cried.

I'm not going to be satisfied until I'm where she was. Dad and I are both adults now. If he prefers women who look like me, why not me? I don't know how I'm going to make it happen, but I won't stop till I do.