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Funny As Fuck
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Straight Male / 52
Casting Couch Auditions
My brother owns an office building that has 15 floors. He bought it some years and when he did the 13th floor was vacant. It seems nobody wanted to rent anything on the 13th floor. It's been vacant every since. I'm not superstitious so since he couldn't rent it to anyone he lets me stay there for free. It's 12,000 square feet which is huge. I call it my almost penthouse. There are three elevators, two passenger elevators and a freight elevator. There are two stairwells and there are ventilation shafts. So subtracting all that I actually get about 9000 square feet. I have part of it set up as an apartment with amazing views. Portions of it are set up for storage space, I have a lot of junk. And portions are set up as office space and I have a studio. Or I should say, a fake studio.
Now as I said, my brother owns the building, but unlike a certain fake president and fake billionaire whom I won't name, my brother didn't borrow to buy the building. He started his business by winning a million dollars in the lottery thirty years ago and has been buying real estate ever since. I, on the other hand have been a financial and career failure ever since. I'm just no good at making money and especially at working for other people. Technically, I'm a janitor in my brother's building here. I'm OK with that. It gives me access to everything. I also don't see my brother much. He leases the building out by the floor and in the contracts he makes each tenant responsible for their own floor and he hires a management company to manage the building. Part of that contract is they have to keep me on as a janitor. They also are required to ignore anything I do on my own floor as long as it doesn't endanger the building or other tenants.
So a buddy of mine gave me an idea. He showed me a porn video about a guy who pretends to be the director of a porn studio and he advertises for girls to audition for roles and they come and he fucks them and then they leave without being paid or ever getting the part since there isn't really a part as there isn't really a porn video to be made. It's all a ruse to get young beautiful girls to fuck him for free.
Now this got me to thinking. I don't have a lot of original thoughts. Not even this was mine but my buddy's idea. I just reworked it a little. I contacted a criminal defense attorney who had defended me a couple of times when I've been to jail and asked him about my idea. Turns out this is a nice loophole to laws that ban prostitution. So you can hire "actresses" to star in a porn video and then shoot the porn video and pay the actresses to fuck in the porn video as long as you make a video of what you do or at least intend to. You can audition girls to star in said porn video and fuck them in the audition. But you cannot pay them to audition. As long as I don't pay them for the audition then I am not breaking the prostitution laws in my state. Yay Me!
So I found out that most girls who are willing to do porn require payment for the audition and most can smell one of these scams. Lucky me, the ones who don't figure it out are young, fresh faced girls who have never done porn before and don't know anything about the business or how it works. Those are actually the ones I want.
So I placed some legitimate looking advertisements on the internet looking for "fresh faced young girls 18-19 years old, prefer no experience for adult films. Good money for right girl, call or text for audition." I have my studio set up to look like a porn studio complete with stereotypical porn set furniture, big round bed with red satin sheets and tons of pillows, big window with view of the city, then where there would be walls there are cameras and lights and reflectors and diffusers. There's a makeup table like an actress would have along with a hair styling station and racks of costumes. I modeled it after a lot of what you see in porn videos. I got the costumes at a thrift store along with all the furniture and most of the other items. It's amazing what people throw away. Good thing because my budget is kind of low.
My advertisement got a lot of responses but as expected, one of the first questions would be if it's a paid audition. That's where I lose them. It was a week before I got a text from a girl who had just arrived from Kansas. Now I don't live in a city known for the entertainment industry so I had no expectation of having someone apply who just arrived from out of town. It turns out she ran away from home and intended to surprise a relative by just showing up and that relative said no. At first I thought the girl was probably underage. I also thought someone was probably scamming me. I mean come on, Kansas? Really? But she insisted she had lived there all her life and never left the state until now and here she was in the big city. Well it's a city but it's not even on the top twenty lists of big cities. I told her to send me a copy of her ID and a selfie. She sent her state ID, and a copy of her birth certificate and SS card. She had never taken a selfie before which seemed odd so I gave her instructions via text. she had turned 18 the prior week. she was just about the youngest girl I could fuck and not go to jail. She also looked the part. From the neck up she looked illegally young. If the age of consent was 12 I'd audition 12 year old girls. I like them young but I stopped fucking under aged girls when I turned 18 myself. I've been to jail but for check kiting and fraud not for any sex crimes and I didn't want to start. So I was a bit nervous that she might have faked the ID but I figure if I got scans of what she sent and didn't fuck her until I got a good look at them in person then I had plausible deniability. Isn't that the phrase that politicians use?
So "April" showed up on time and made a joke about me being on the 13th floor. I told her that I got a good deal on the rent because of it. April was even hotter in person. I had seen her selfies but it's kind of hard to judge from that angle and I couldn't see everything. April was blond with a long thick mane that ended just below her butt. I love long gorgeous hair and prefer it but so few women want to go through the trouble of caring for it and most blonds have fake hair. April was all natural. So I asked her typical job interview questions and told her how much the producers paid for an inexperienced girl on a first shoot and then I explained that as the director I had to try her out to see if she would be suitable.
I set up the cameras and lights to make it look real. I told her that at any point in the audition I could dismiss her as unsuitable. She nodded her head and agreed to the terms and signed the paperwork and so I sat on a chair behind a camera on a tripod and told her to just start removing her clothes and not to worry about being nervous. She was obviously very innocent and had no idea what she was doing so I patiently reassured her and complimented her on how beautiful she was. She was wearing a long flowing dress like you see girls wear when they belong to some ultra religious cult. So she reached around and unbuttoned her dress and then reached down and picked up the hem and just lifted it slowly and nervously over her head obscuring her face but exposing her amazing lean body. She had on nothing but socks, white cotton panties and a plain white cotton bra, precisely what an over protective father would expect his under age girl to wear to church. She was perfect. She stood there in her bra, socks and panties holding her hand at her crotch and arm across her breasts in a modest pose and looked even more nervous.
I asked her if she was a virgin and she nodded. I asked her if she was afraid to lose her virginity or afraid that her virginity would disqualify her from doing porn. She said she thought it would prevent her from getting the job. I told her it wouldn't. I continued to tell her how beautiful she was. At that point I stopped and called up a porn video on my computer and had her come over and watch it. The video showed a girl removing her underwear and then masturbating for the camera. I asked if she would be willing to do that and she nodded but said she had never masturbated. I told her I would talk her through it. for a virgin she was amazingly cooperative. I had her stand next to the bed and continue.
She reached around and undid her bra and and slowly removed it. I told her that her breasts were beautiful and very sexy. The were about a C cup with nice big puffy nipples. Next she reached down and slid her panties down. She had a large bush of blond pubic hair. Now most porn stars shave down there and keep it completely bald. I'm not most since I'm not a real porn director and I like pubic hair on a girl. She was too naïve to know any of that or that she would have been required to shave it off if this was a real job. I old her to lay down on the bad and put a pillow under her butt and spread her legs. She did and I brought a hand held camera over and made an actual video of her like this zooming in on her hairy pussy. I told her to spread her lips so I could see inside her. Sure enough, her hymen was intact. Just a little hole in the middle. She was going to bleed and it was going to hurt. I don't have a porn star size cock. Mine is in fact slightly below average in length and girth. This is the first time that fact was going to work to my advantage. I told her that porn stars needed to be able to look like they were enjoying themselves when a guy licked them down there. I went over to the cameras on the tripods and pretended to turn them on then came back and went down on her. She explained that she had never had an orgasm before and the only people that had ever seen her naked were her mother when she was little and the nurse her cult uses to care for the female members. No male had seen her naked since she was a toddler. Not even doctors. Her cult believed that it was a sin for a girl to be naked in front of any man she wasn't married to. So she wasn't just a virgin, she was a naïve super virgin. She hadn't even seen the internet or a computer until fairly recently. I didn't even ask her how she escaped her cult.
Half an hour into licking her she started to breath fast, clutched the back of my head and began humping my tongue. She had her first ever orgasm. Then she burst into tears. I thought I'd done something wrong and she said she was crying because of how wonderful the experience was and she told me my tongue was beautiful. Well that was unexpected. So I let her rest a bit then explained that in porn she would have to suck cock and take one in her pussy. She asked what a pussy was. She was so adorable, a true innocent. I explained the whole thing to her and she nervously unzipped my pants and helped me out of them along with my boxers. She gasped when she saw my penis. She had seen her baby brother's penis when she helped change his diapers. She said she had no idea they could get so big. Wow! she really was naïve if she thought my little five inch penis was big. She tentatively took it in her mouth but after a while took to sucking it like a baby sucking it's mother's nipples. I had intended to take her virginity but couldn't help myself and came my biggest load of cum ever in her mouth. I'm 52 years old and haven't had a truly good cum in over a dozen years. This wasn't just good. This was the most intense one of my entire life. looking down at her it seemed like she was two thirds her real age in both looks and her mannerisms. She truly was an innocent little girl in every wage except chronologically. She looked up at me with her big innocent eyes and mumbled with a mouth full of cum asking if she should swallow it or spit it out. I told her to open her mouth so I could watch it slide down her throat. She did. I'm so glad I didn't film any of the more extreme things because nobody would believe she was 18 even with the ID.
Then she looked sad. I asked her what was wrong and she said she wished I didn't make porn. I asked her why and she explained that she thought she was falling in love with me and even though she had left her cult (she didn't call it that) and wanted nothing to do with them, she felt it was wrong to make videos of her having sex and was only there because she desperately needed money and had none and no place to live and she couldn't be with me if I was committing such a horrible sin. I reminded her that taking her clothes off in front of me might be considered a sin. She said she changed her mind and asked me to erase the video and she didn't want the job after all and hoped she could find some nice normal guy and she'd have sex with them in exchange for a place to live and food.
Me no fool.
So I confessed to her. I told her that I wasn't really a porn director and that I had a hard time getting girls due to my age, unattractive looks, small penis and lack of money. I told her the whole thing was a scam to get young girls to let me have sex with them because I was desperately horny. She asked why I hadn't tried to fuck her and I said that when I saw she was a virgin I didn't have the heart to make her do that but I still wanted a blow job because I was really horny but if she had refused I wouldn't have made her. She was surprised about it being a scam and wanted proof so I showed her that the cameras were all turned off and that two of them didn't even work. The one in my hand was not in focus and I deleted the blurry video in front of her. I showed her the thrift store price tags on the rack of costumes showing that they hadn't been worn by any porn stars. I showed her that there was no make-up at the make up station and that the hair styling chair wasn't even bolted to the floor and if she sat back in it, it would have flipped over. I then took her to my apartment and gave her a tour and showed her a few personal things proving that I lived there. I put on my janitor's uniform and showed her around the building.
Any other girl would have been pissed at me and would have demanded pay. Not April. She was relieved. She was in fact elated.
So now April is my girlfriend, she lives with me. She is my dream girl in every sense. I'm an asshole and she doesn't even care. She doesn't even care that I am attracted to her because she looks like an innocent little 12 year old virgin with big tits. We're getting married next June and my brother still can't believe I scored what he calls a "trophy wife."
Now as I said, my brother owns the building, but unlike a certain fake president and fake billionaire whom I won't name, my brother didn't borrow to buy the building. He started his business by winning a million dollars in the lottery thirty years ago and has been buying real estate ever since. I, on the other hand have been a financial and career failure ever since. I'm just no good at making money and especially at working for other people. Technically, I'm a janitor in my brother's building here. I'm OK with that. It gives me access to everything. I also don't see my brother much. He leases the building out by the floor and in the contracts he makes each tenant responsible for their own floor and he hires a management company to manage the building. Part of that contract is they have to keep me on as a janitor. They also are required to ignore anything I do on my own floor as long as it doesn't endanger the building or other tenants.
So a buddy of mine gave me an idea. He showed me a porn video about a guy who pretends to be the director of a porn studio and he advertises for girls to audition for roles and they come and he fucks them and then they leave without being paid or ever getting the part since there isn't really a part as there isn't really a porn video to be made. It's all a ruse to get young beautiful girls to fuck him for free.
Now this got me to thinking. I don't have a lot of original thoughts. Not even this was mine but my buddy's idea. I just reworked it a little. I contacted a criminal defense attorney who had defended me a couple of times when I've been to jail and asked him about my idea. Turns out this is a nice loophole to laws that ban prostitution. So you can hire "actresses" to star in a porn video and then shoot the porn video and pay the actresses to fuck in the porn video as long as you make a video of what you do or at least intend to. You can audition girls to star in said porn video and fuck them in the audition. But you cannot pay them to audition. As long as I don't pay them for the audition then I am not breaking the prostitution laws in my state. Yay Me!
So I found out that most girls who are willing to do porn require payment for the audition and most can smell one of these scams. Lucky me, the ones who don't figure it out are young, fresh faced girls who have never done porn before and don't know anything about the business or how it works. Those are actually the ones I want.
So I placed some legitimate looking advertisements on the internet looking for "fresh faced young girls 18-19 years old, prefer no experience for adult films. Good money for right girl, call or text for audition." I have my studio set up to look like a porn studio complete with stereotypical porn set furniture, big round bed with red satin sheets and tons of pillows, big window with view of the city, then where there would be walls there are cameras and lights and reflectors and diffusers. There's a makeup table like an actress would have along with a hair styling station and racks of costumes. I modeled it after a lot of what you see in porn videos. I got the costumes at a thrift store along with all the furniture and most of the other items. It's amazing what people throw away. Good thing because my budget is kind of low.
My advertisement got a lot of responses but as expected, one of the first questions would be if it's a paid audition. That's where I lose them. It was a week before I got a text from a girl who had just arrived from Kansas. Now I don't live in a city known for the entertainment industry so I had no expectation of having someone apply who just arrived from out of town. It turns out she ran away from home and intended to surprise a relative by just showing up and that relative said no. At first I thought the girl was probably underage. I also thought someone was probably scamming me. I mean come on, Kansas? Really? But she insisted she had lived there all her life and never left the state until now and here she was in the big city. Well it's a city but it's not even on the top twenty lists of big cities. I told her to send me a copy of her ID and a selfie. She sent her state ID, and a copy of her birth certificate and SS card. She had never taken a selfie before which seemed odd so I gave her instructions via text. she had turned 18 the prior week. she was just about the youngest girl I could fuck and not go to jail. She also looked the part. From the neck up she looked illegally young. If the age of consent was 12 I'd audition 12 year old girls. I like them young but I stopped fucking under aged girls when I turned 18 myself. I've been to jail but for check kiting and fraud not for any sex crimes and I didn't want to start. So I was a bit nervous that she might have faked the ID but I figure if I got scans of what she sent and didn't fuck her until I got a good look at them in person then I had plausible deniability. Isn't that the phrase that politicians use?
So "April" showed up on time and made a joke about me being on the 13th floor. I told her that I got a good deal on the rent because of it. April was even hotter in person. I had seen her selfies but it's kind of hard to judge from that angle and I couldn't see everything. April was blond with a long thick mane that ended just below her butt. I love long gorgeous hair and prefer it but so few women want to go through the trouble of caring for it and most blonds have fake hair. April was all natural. So I asked her typical job interview questions and told her how much the producers paid for an inexperienced girl on a first shoot and then I explained that as the director I had to try her out to see if she would be suitable.
I set up the cameras and lights to make it look real. I told her that at any point in the audition I could dismiss her as unsuitable. She nodded her head and agreed to the terms and signed the paperwork and so I sat on a chair behind a camera on a tripod and told her to just start removing her clothes and not to worry about being nervous. She was obviously very innocent and had no idea what she was doing so I patiently reassured her and complimented her on how beautiful she was. She was wearing a long flowing dress like you see girls wear when they belong to some ultra religious cult. So she reached around and unbuttoned her dress and then reached down and picked up the hem and just lifted it slowly and nervously over her head obscuring her face but exposing her amazing lean body. She had on nothing but socks, white cotton panties and a plain white cotton bra, precisely what an over protective father would expect his under age girl to wear to church. She was perfect. She stood there in her bra, socks and panties holding her hand at her crotch and arm across her breasts in a modest pose and looked even more nervous.
I asked her if she was a virgin and she nodded. I asked her if she was afraid to lose her virginity or afraid that her virginity would disqualify her from doing porn. She said she thought it would prevent her from getting the job. I told her it wouldn't. I continued to tell her how beautiful she was. At that point I stopped and called up a porn video on my computer and had her come over and watch it. The video showed a girl removing her underwear and then masturbating for the camera. I asked if she would be willing to do that and she nodded but said she had never masturbated. I told her I would talk her through it. for a virgin she was amazingly cooperative. I had her stand next to the bed and continue.
She reached around and undid her bra and and slowly removed it. I told her that her breasts were beautiful and very sexy. The were about a C cup with nice big puffy nipples. Next she reached down and slid her panties down. She had a large bush of blond pubic hair. Now most porn stars shave down there and keep it completely bald. I'm not most since I'm not a real porn director and I like pubic hair on a girl. She was too naïve to know any of that or that she would have been required to shave it off if this was a real job. I old her to lay down on the bad and put a pillow under her butt and spread her legs. She did and I brought a hand held camera over and made an actual video of her like this zooming in on her hairy pussy. I told her to spread her lips so I could see inside her. Sure enough, her hymen was intact. Just a little hole in the middle. She was going to bleed and it was going to hurt. I don't have a porn star size cock. Mine is in fact slightly below average in length and girth. This is the first time that fact was going to work to my advantage. I told her that porn stars needed to be able to look like they were enjoying themselves when a guy licked them down there. I went over to the cameras on the tripods and pretended to turn them on then came back and went down on her. She explained that she had never had an orgasm before and the only people that had ever seen her naked were her mother when she was little and the nurse her cult uses to care for the female members. No male had seen her naked since she was a toddler. Not even doctors. Her cult believed that it was a sin for a girl to be naked in front of any man she wasn't married to. So she wasn't just a virgin, she was a naïve super virgin. She hadn't even seen the internet or a computer until fairly recently. I didn't even ask her how she escaped her cult.
Half an hour into licking her she started to breath fast, clutched the back of my head and began humping my tongue. She had her first ever orgasm. Then she burst into tears. I thought I'd done something wrong and she said she was crying because of how wonderful the experience was and she told me my tongue was beautiful. Well that was unexpected. So I let her rest a bit then explained that in porn she would have to suck cock and take one in her pussy. She asked what a pussy was. She was so adorable, a true innocent. I explained the whole thing to her and she nervously unzipped my pants and helped me out of them along with my boxers. She gasped when she saw my penis. She had seen her baby brother's penis when she helped change his diapers. She said she had no idea they could get so big. Wow! she really was naïve if she thought my little five inch penis was big. She tentatively took it in her mouth but after a while took to sucking it like a baby sucking it's mother's nipples. I had intended to take her virginity but couldn't help myself and came my biggest load of cum ever in her mouth. I'm 52 years old and haven't had a truly good cum in over a dozen years. This wasn't just good. This was the most intense one of my entire life. looking down at her it seemed like she was two thirds her real age in both looks and her mannerisms. She truly was an innocent little girl in every wage except chronologically. She looked up at me with her big innocent eyes and mumbled with a mouth full of cum asking if she should swallow it or spit it out. I told her to open her mouth so I could watch it slide down her throat. She did. I'm so glad I didn't film any of the more extreme things because nobody would believe she was 18 even with the ID.
Then she looked sad. I asked her what was wrong and she said she wished I didn't make porn. I asked her why and she explained that she thought she was falling in love with me and even though she had left her cult (she didn't call it that) and wanted nothing to do with them, she felt it was wrong to make videos of her having sex and was only there because she desperately needed money and had none and no place to live and she couldn't be with me if I was committing such a horrible sin. I reminded her that taking her clothes off in front of me might be considered a sin. She said she changed her mind and asked me to erase the video and she didn't want the job after all and hoped she could find some nice normal guy and she'd have sex with them in exchange for a place to live and food.
Me no fool.
So I confessed to her. I told her that I wasn't really a porn director and that I had a hard time getting girls due to my age, unattractive looks, small penis and lack of money. I told her the whole thing was a scam to get young girls to let me have sex with them because I was desperately horny. She asked why I hadn't tried to fuck her and I said that when I saw she was a virgin I didn't have the heart to make her do that but I still wanted a blow job because I was really horny but if she had refused I wouldn't have made her. She was surprised about it being a scam and wanted proof so I showed her that the cameras were all turned off and that two of them didn't even work. The one in my hand was not in focus and I deleted the blurry video in front of her. I showed her the thrift store price tags on the rack of costumes showing that they hadn't been worn by any porn stars. I showed her that there was no make-up at the make up station and that the hair styling chair wasn't even bolted to the floor and if she sat back in it, it would have flipped over. I then took her to my apartment and gave her a tour and showed her a few personal things proving that I lived there. I put on my janitor's uniform and showed her around the building.
Any other girl would have been pissed at me and would have demanded pay. Not April. She was relieved. She was in fact elated.
So now April is my girlfriend, she lives with me. She is my dream girl in every sense. I'm an asshole and she doesn't even care. She doesn't even care that I am attracted to her because she looks like an innocent little 12 year old virgin with big tits. We're getting married next June and my brother still can't believe I scored what he calls a "trophy wife."
- That's Juicy! 27
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