In Search Of The WOW Moment

I overcame melanoma cancer as a teen and after five years of monitoring I am now 'cancer free'. I was able to realize my dream of attending college 'away from home'. The downside is that I never experienced teen life, high school, learner's permit, prom, dating. I'm also older than normal at college and don't mix well with students who are four years younger. I realize I will never have the 'college experience'.

I met an assistant professor of world studies and made the decision to use the opportunity to not leave college a virgin. I told him about my cancer and my scars, he didn't care, but he did. It was a dud, rocket man never took off. The experience left me even more self conscious about myself, I'm used to my scars, but they are not for everyone. Makeup won't cover them up.

I graduated a virgin. Living alone I decided to get it over with, once and for all. I hired an escort and paid him to take my virginity. He told me I was the youngest woman he had visited. I hope I was tight for him, not that he cared. The whole experience was just another form of masturbation.

A year after starting work I met a man, I made myself available, he wasn't shy, sex was a dud. More masturbation. At that point I asked myself, where are women getting that wow moment? It wasn't with a gun for hire, it wasn't a one night stand. It turned out to be with a man who took advantage of me, a man who takes me for granted, a man who 'fucks to fuck' and doesn't want to deal with your feelings. It is another form of masturbation, but he does give me that wow moment.