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Women Only
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Straight Female / 30
Growing Up, Becoming An Adult, It's A Matter Of Perspective
A few weeks after my first college semester we had a tragedy. Several girls were sitting on a 2nd floor barrier wall of the student center when this girl Katy fell backwards into the basement patio. She broke her back and neck and died a day later. One day a nice freshman girl is alive with a future and the next she is dead. My first funeral of someone my age, someone I knew. someone I liked very much.
The only person who understood my grief was a graduate student teacher. He stepped in. It took months for me to accept her death, longer still to become socially active again. But by that time he was my boyfriend. By that time I was sexually active. By that time I was playing house with a man.
It was hard for me to adapt. In my house there wasn't a man. Things bothered me. Like how he thought, how he reached conclusions, why he got frustrated and put down his foot. One man, one rule. He was sensitive to my feelings and let me get away with a lot. But then, something triggered, and it was rules and following the rules again.
At times I felt great urgency to have sex, at other times don't touch me. Mood swings he said, get them under control. I liked keeping house, he helped some, but he didn't interfere. He gave me money instead, a household allowance. Food, supplies, and if I managed my allowance I could buy a bra. I was in school, only he worked to pay the bills.
I was a sophomore living the life of a thirty year old. Adapt or die. Girl goodbye, woman come in. I was reminded more than once that 100 years ago all 19 year old girls were women with a man, and a kid and one in the oven. True but not relevant to me. I had a very hard time adapting living with a man.
One day, maybe frustrated with my chores, my classes, and I thought about that girl Katy, I'm sure she would have loved to put up with a man. I look back and to me that's the day I grew up. Living with a man, following rules, taking classes, was really easy, not hard at all. You adapt to a man.
The only person who understood my grief was a graduate student teacher. He stepped in. It took months for me to accept her death, longer still to become socially active again. But by that time he was my boyfriend. By that time I was sexually active. By that time I was playing house with a man.
It was hard for me to adapt. In my house there wasn't a man. Things bothered me. Like how he thought, how he reached conclusions, why he got frustrated and put down his foot. One man, one rule. He was sensitive to my feelings and let me get away with a lot. But then, something triggered, and it was rules and following the rules again.
At times I felt great urgency to have sex, at other times don't touch me. Mood swings he said, get them under control. I liked keeping house, he helped some, but he didn't interfere. He gave me money instead, a household allowance. Food, supplies, and if I managed my allowance I could buy a bra. I was in school, only he worked to pay the bills.
I was a sophomore living the life of a thirty year old. Adapt or die. Girl goodbye, woman come in. I was reminded more than once that 100 years ago all 19 year old girls were women with a man, and a kid and one in the oven. True but not relevant to me. I had a very hard time adapting living with a man.
One day, maybe frustrated with my chores, my classes, and I thought about that girl Katy, I'm sure she would have loved to put up with a man. I look back and to me that's the day I grew up. Living with a man, following rules, taking classes, was really easy, not hard at all. You adapt to a man.
