Straight Female / 50
Difficult Subject To Approach
I've been feeling really strange dirty feelings sexually of being literally rubbed til I came as a kid. The dumb things people say like "oh look how much he is liking that" bla bla and so on. Their titillations getting off on my sexual abuse issues and I have to admit a flood of painful memories come to my head of feeling aroused and dislike for sexual touching in the breasts or smiling during sex. It started being a bother to me when all this started about a year age meeting this kid and this dirty man with a similar name stalking called JD and its causing so much hard sexual confrontation for me over it because naturally I want to enjoy sex. I want to find a husband and have a child. why this started up for I am not sure. As the feelings would come and go for me as a child being large nipple shamed when young like all of 2 or 3 or 4.
I have only learnt to appreciate my breasts in the last few years and it took a lot of work to get their. Also, its the difficult sex stuff for me over enjoying pleasure and giving it and being seen enjoying it. Since being r**ed that was a greater issue for me. I would prefer self sex in the twilight or dark after that.
I don't know why I am so sexually hated by men and men I like never like me and its the most hated feeling you can feel that you spend 40 years with every man you like literally disliking you and not knowing why?
anyway this guy old jerk keeps stalking me and he is a creep as bad as the dirty old rapist and p**o.
I don't know who to talk this over with. because I am wondering if my sister was not involved with this with a guy when I was young child. I literally feel so awful to talk about this as my sister would often do sexual tit and pussy touching of me and want to play those games and it all had to be secret. I didn't know if I really liked it or not. She was the one who started the game and we would often play it and I am wondering did she bring a boy into when I was a child and the memories feel strangely real for me as she was also encouraging the p**o to sleaze over me and I felt strange about that and in sexual slavery at her whim. How do I approach this topic ?
I made myself orgasm and smiling and rubbing tits and forced myself to enjoy it and I did but I feel like this all too late and I feel revengeful that she has pushed me out and done this dirty thing to me and who ever this boy was is making me want to remember other thinks in that time frame I can't recall so easy. Will it hurt and be painful to remember and will I ever get love and sex? cuz this is so defeating.
I have only learnt to appreciate my breasts in the last few years and it took a lot of work to get their. Also, its the difficult sex stuff for me over enjoying pleasure and giving it and being seen enjoying it. Since being r**ed that was a greater issue for me. I would prefer self sex in the twilight or dark after that.
I don't know why I am so sexually hated by men and men I like never like me and its the most hated feeling you can feel that you spend 40 years with every man you like literally disliking you and not knowing why?
anyway this guy old jerk keeps stalking me and he is a creep as bad as the dirty old rapist and p**o.
I don't know who to talk this over with. because I am wondering if my sister was not involved with this with a guy when I was young child. I literally feel so awful to talk about this as my sister would often do sexual tit and pussy touching of me and want to play those games and it all had to be secret. I didn't know if I really liked it or not. She was the one who started the game and we would often play it and I am wondering did she bring a boy into when I was a child and the memories feel strangely real for me as she was also encouraging the p**o to sleaze over me and I felt strange about that and in sexual slavery at her whim. How do I approach this topic ?
I made myself orgasm and smiling and rubbing tits and forced myself to enjoy it and I did but I feel like this all too late and I feel revengeful that she has pushed me out and done this dirty thing to me and who ever this boy was is making me want to remember other thinks in that time frame I can't recall so easy. Will it hurt and be painful to remember and will I ever get love and sex? cuz this is so defeating.
