Straight Female / 28
My Mother Wanted To Keep Me A Virgin
For the first 13 years of my life my mother and me lived with my grandmother. My mother never dated and was withdraw. Depressed. When we moved out she gave me a 'talking to'. First was that I had to work and carry my load. Second was behave, no additional stress. Good grades. And then she said there was something I should know about my father. It was r**e, pure and simple. That's why she never bothered to have him in my life. Then a long list of how to ensure I didn't get r**ed in turn.
I baby sat, worked after school, got good grades, did not date. Best way to avoid sexual assault. I attended city college while I worked full time. I learned to be frugal, cheap. Not want or like new things, look down on show offs, stay away from parking garages, dark alleys, public gatherings. I wore tampax and pads in case I was assaulted they would think I was on my period.
When I was kissed, it was a coworker who said he wanted to, he further told me he wanted to fuck me. I had no words, he kissed me again, the second time with sexual energy. He drove me home, and he had sex with me. I didn't know what to say. He told me to consider myself taken, and he expected me to behave like his girlfriend. My mother, when I told her, went off the rails. But it was too late.
I enjoyed sex, looked forward to sex. It liberated me, the whole event, being stripped naked, being used, his look of satisfaction. I learned how to give him oral sex, anal sex. But I also had guilt attacks, felt bad hiding it from my mother. To her, the Devil had entered my heart.
It took a long time to understand my mother was the problem, not sex. It feels good to be hugged, kissed, controlled, fucked. I imagine that in general females of all species like it to. It goes further, it feels good to be his girlfriend. And, no, he is not the Devil. And after meeting and talking with my father, I don't believe my father r**ed my mother. He did what boys do, she did what girls do. She justified it by calling it r**e. She will die that way, but I won't. I'll die after having sex, at least that's my dream way to die.
I baby sat, worked after school, got good grades, did not date. Best way to avoid sexual assault. I attended city college while I worked full time. I learned to be frugal, cheap. Not want or like new things, look down on show offs, stay away from parking garages, dark alleys, public gatherings. I wore tampax and pads in case I was assaulted they would think I was on my period.
When I was kissed, it was a coworker who said he wanted to, he further told me he wanted to fuck me. I had no words, he kissed me again, the second time with sexual energy. He drove me home, and he had sex with me. I didn't know what to say. He told me to consider myself taken, and he expected me to behave like his girlfriend. My mother, when I told her, went off the rails. But it was too late.
I enjoyed sex, looked forward to sex. It liberated me, the whole event, being stripped naked, being used, his look of satisfaction. I learned how to give him oral sex, anal sex. But I also had guilt attacks, felt bad hiding it from my mother. To her, the Devil had entered my heart.
It took a long time to understand my mother was the problem, not sex. It feels good to be hugged, kissed, controlled, fucked. I imagine that in general females of all species like it to. It goes further, it feels good to be his girlfriend. And, no, he is not the Devil. And after meeting and talking with my father, I don't believe my father r**ed my mother. He did what boys do, she did what girls do. She justified it by calling it r**e. She will die that way, but I won't. I'll die after having sex, at least that's my dream way to die.
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