My Neighbor Isn’t The Problem, I Am. *UPDATED*

I ended up making an account on here so I’m reposting this. If you read my previous confession then you know this story. It’s been a couple days since I wrote about this weirdo obsession I have with one of my neighbors.

Okay, so, I’ll start off that I’ve never done anything like this but I have to share because I feel horribly guilty…

It doesn’t help that I’m short. Fairly thin. But I look really young. I’m the one that gets carded when we go out for drinks. Never fails. Everyone assumes I’m about 15 or 16. I just have a baby face I guess. And it’s really ruining this whole weird neighbor thing for me..

Every evening, I go for a walk around my neighborhood. Lately I’ve been going down a different street than usual.. it’s not busy where I live.. I actually have to cut through the woods to even get to a new street..

but on the third time taking this road (pretty long walk compared to my old path).. I saw a neighbor I never knew I had. And he’s oddly hot.

He’s probably in his 30s.. sorta chubby, tall, not long hair but not too short either.. absolutely not the type of guy I’d imagine I’d find hot.. but obviously I do because I’m here making some fucked up confession to strangers on the internet.

I now take this path every time I walk.. literally just to catch a glimpse of him. I’ve never spoken to him. I don’t even know his name. Hell, he could be married.. but I’ve only ever seen him.

He’s waved before. I wave back.. but that’s it. I think the fact that we don’t know each other is why I think he’s so hot.

But it’s becoming a problem. All I think about is hooking up with this guy. I don’t even fucking know why! I want him to pull my hair. But at the same time I just want to talk to him. It’s not even about fucking anymore. I’ve manifested this weird semi-crush on a dude probably 12 years older than me..

If he ever talks to me I’ll probably burst into tears..

For reference, I never dated in high school and it’s not because no one asked me out. The guys my age never really interested me and I’m not open about liking girls too.. so imagine my horror finding out I have a thing for possible dads who wave to be polite.

This is the fucked up part.. I almost don’t want to share because I feel dirty..

I started thinking about him and masturbating. And not like.. innocent touching.. like full blow thinking about this random dude plowing me. And I’ve never thought like this. I don’t know what the fuck happened to me all of a sudden..

I just used a vibrator while I was on my knees.. leaned my head against the headboard of my bed.. thinking about a guy I don’t even know the name of..

If he knew he’d probably hate me. Think I’m some fucked up little creep. I don’t think I’ll walk by his house anymore. I keep thinking about what if he’s married. If he has kids. It’s so fucked up.

But I still want him to fuck me. I think.

I don’t hate my neighbor.. but I think my neighbor would hate me.

Update:
It’s not getting any better. I’m still thinking about him nonstop. I’ve been thinking about him taking me from behind. I want him to hold me down, push his hand into my hair and pull. His other hand holding my hips up. I’m still a virgin, but I know this is how I want it. I don’t want him to be gentle or slow. I know he’d fill me up so good. But Jesus Christ, I can’t even talk to him. I think if he ever talks to me I’d just melt, feel my legs give out.

If this doesn’t fit this category I’ll take it down. I just don’t know what I’m thinking.